So, you graduated from University with flying colours, great! Now what?
1 year ago, I was so certain of the path after graduation. I pictured myself doing my pre-registration in the UK and then by 2015 I will be back in Malaysia as a qualified pharmacist from the UK. Sounds rosy enough isn't it?
Well, until reality sits in.
The job I was offered was what many of my colleagues would fight for, by right, I should be grateful. However, for me, it was too much to handle. That job got me ill and in the end, I chose to come back to my homeland. Of course there was lots of disappointment. To be honest, I was disappointed with myself as well. I was feeling so worthless because I couldn't strive through that 1 year. However, that incident did made me rethink about my life. It taught me an important lesson about myself. The reluctance of growing up and how comfortable my life had been so far. It also taught me about kindness too. A big thank you to those who had stayed by me through the toughest period of my life and respect my decision.
Coming back home, I had time to carefully think about what the next step will be and after 2 months of rest, I decided it is time for my to get my life rolling again. I waited for my posting in the government setting but because I came back later than most of my cohorts, I waited for a long long time. In the end, I decided to give private firm a go and who knew, I got the job. Unlike the first time, I did not give a confirmation there and then because I would like to take a step back and think before making any hasty decision again. There were times where I started to doubt again, will the same thing happened again? I was very afraid. However, I realised I cannot stay stagnant forever and so, I decided to accept the job. I was anxious during the first day due to previous experiences, but slowly I was able to start accepting the job. Just when I started to finally settle down with a routine, I was hospitalised for acute appendicitis and have to be on medical leave for almost 3 weeks. I was actually very very down because after all that effort I have put in to make myself settle down, now I have to start from zero again?!
Someone dear to me told me, I do not need to force myself to accept the fact. Slowly, I will eventually accept it without knowing it. It is not like I dislike the job. It is more like I hate living alone. This is the time where I need to embrace positivity. By telling myself this is much better than doing it in the UK as I can at least go back home during the weekends. For me, positivism is very important. I really do not want to go back that emotional blackhole. So this post is a reminder for myself whenever I feel on the low side. This is just a phase. You have done it before, so you can do it again :) Give yourself time and eventually you will get there!
Monday, July 20, 2015
Monday, January 26, 2015
Love and be loved
Here's a story about a young man and young lady.
More than 2 decades ago, a little boy was born up north. 11 months later, a little girl was born down south. Little boy was a hyperactive bunny while the little girl prefers to watch TV and play with puzzles. Eventually both of them started schooling. The boy started to develop fascination with games and cards, while the girl had obsession with Barbie dolls and dreaming of having a fairytale love story. As they passed through the first decade of their life, the now young man was oblivious to girls as he still prefers games and friends over young puppy love. On the other hand, the young lady had few admirers in secondary school and experienced puppy love which she thought will last and eventually get married to.
Finishing secondary education, the young man did passed his public exam with flying colours and starting to wonder what will be the next step, whereas the young lady was still struggling to impress her puppy love. Young man was able to secure a scholarship and was off to college. On the first day, the young man broke his leg and made quite a reputation for himself. The young lady, on the other hand, got her heart broken and told herself to not believe in love anymore. December that year, the young man was having a great time chilling at home while the young lady was getting anxious of leaving home for the very first time.
January, they met for the very first time. The young lady found the young man very interesting during an induction event, she didn't get to know his name but she remembered him very well. Few weeks later, she got a shocked finding he was actually her senior and they shared some classes together. The young lady was suffering from severe homesickness, so she did not think much of getting to know new people. They were just regular classmates who talked once in a while. Second semester came and they had more conversations with each other, sharing jokes and teasing each other. Some days, when the young lady wants to lose some weight and decided to show up at the sport's complex, they had some table tennis session together. But that was all it was.
Came the final semester, where interest started to bud between them, coupled with friends teasing both of them. They got to know each other more, and the young lady started to have feelings for the young man. Both of them were really shy, for the young man had not tasted love before, and the young lady decided not to believe in love anymore. Eventually, the young man had the courage to confess and the young lady told the young man to give the relationship a try. Everyone was very happy for both of them. The young lady felt all the tears she shed for coming to college was worth it, because she fell in love with this bright young man. They talked every night near the staircase to get to know each other more. It was a really pure love, with them sitting side by side, hands not even touching.
That was only the beginning. Young man eventually had to go study abroad while the young lady entered a 2+2 programme so their long distance began. Due to the fact they had very little time together, it did not ferry well. The young lady was very emotional and the young man was lonely as well. They had lots of misunderstanding and finally after a year, the young lady decided to let him go as she felt he deserved someone better abroad. The young lady felt she was indeed still cynical about love and decided to not date until she is certain that the next guy she dates will be the one she wants to settle down with. The young man decided not to date at all, until he is finished with his degree. The young lady had a calm admirer-free 2 years while the young man had few admirers but decided to remain single.
During the third year of university, the young lady embarked on a journey to the same country as the young man. They met up, and cleared up all the misunderstandings and decided to remain close friends. The young lady found out she was still in love with the young man, to a point where she could not sleep at night and decided to tell the young man. The young man was happy with her confession but decided not to reconcile because he was not sure if it was old feelings resurfacing so decided to wait and see. They remained very close friends, visiting each others, teasing each other and comfort each other during hard times. Eventually, both of them realised how significant they are to each other and the young man confessed after 1 year of friendship. The young lady knew this is the man she would want to spend the rest of her life with, and both of them reconciled, starting fresh.
They were given a bonus year by God's will of being near one another to get to know each other much better. It was a magnificent year, as both of them built a strong foundation for their relationship. They had a few debates but at the end of the day, both of them come to a compromise as the bottom line is, they love each other dearly. After more than a year, honeymoon phase came to an end, and they had several ups and downs. But, their relationship is still going strong. Deep down, both of them know that there must be a reason why they ended up falling in love with each other twice. They are best friends, partners in crime and most importantly, each other's mentor. Most importantly, they want the best for each other.
This is a realistic love story. There were no fireworks or sparks flying on the first day they see each other, no cat fights and no dramas. No fairytale beginning or ending, because we all know, a good relationship can happen because of the effort both parties put in.
This is a dedication to the man I love :) Thank you for everything.
More than 2 decades ago, a little boy was born up north. 11 months later, a little girl was born down south. Little boy was a hyperactive bunny while the little girl prefers to watch TV and play with puzzles. Eventually both of them started schooling. The boy started to develop fascination with games and cards, while the girl had obsession with Barbie dolls and dreaming of having a fairytale love story. As they passed through the first decade of their life, the now young man was oblivious to girls as he still prefers games and friends over young puppy love. On the other hand, the young lady had few admirers in secondary school and experienced puppy love which she thought will last and eventually get married to.
Finishing secondary education, the young man did passed his public exam with flying colours and starting to wonder what will be the next step, whereas the young lady was still struggling to impress her puppy love. Young man was able to secure a scholarship and was off to college. On the first day, the young man broke his leg and made quite a reputation for himself. The young lady, on the other hand, got her heart broken and told herself to not believe in love anymore. December that year, the young man was having a great time chilling at home while the young lady was getting anxious of leaving home for the very first time.
January, they met for the very first time. The young lady found the young man very interesting during an induction event, she didn't get to know his name but she remembered him very well. Few weeks later, she got a shocked finding he was actually her senior and they shared some classes together. The young lady was suffering from severe homesickness, so she did not think much of getting to know new people. They were just regular classmates who talked once in a while. Second semester came and they had more conversations with each other, sharing jokes and teasing each other. Some days, when the young lady wants to lose some weight and decided to show up at the sport's complex, they had some table tennis session together. But that was all it was.
Came the final semester, where interest started to bud between them, coupled with friends teasing both of them. They got to know each other more, and the young lady started to have feelings for the young man. Both of them were really shy, for the young man had not tasted love before, and the young lady decided not to believe in love anymore. Eventually, the young man had the courage to confess and the young lady told the young man to give the relationship a try. Everyone was very happy for both of them. The young lady felt all the tears she shed for coming to college was worth it, because she fell in love with this bright young man. They talked every night near the staircase to get to know each other more. It was a really pure love, with them sitting side by side, hands not even touching.
That was only the beginning. Young man eventually had to go study abroad while the young lady entered a 2+2 programme so their long distance began. Due to the fact they had very little time together, it did not ferry well. The young lady was very emotional and the young man was lonely as well. They had lots of misunderstanding and finally after a year, the young lady decided to let him go as she felt he deserved someone better abroad. The young lady felt she was indeed still cynical about love and decided to not date until she is certain that the next guy she dates will be the one she wants to settle down with. The young man decided not to date at all, until he is finished with his degree. The young lady had a calm admirer-free 2 years while the young man had few admirers but decided to remain single.
During the third year of university, the young lady embarked on a journey to the same country as the young man. They met up, and cleared up all the misunderstandings and decided to remain close friends. The young lady found out she was still in love with the young man, to a point where she could not sleep at night and decided to tell the young man. The young man was happy with her confession but decided not to reconcile because he was not sure if it was old feelings resurfacing so decided to wait and see. They remained very close friends, visiting each others, teasing each other and comfort each other during hard times. Eventually, both of them realised how significant they are to each other and the young man confessed after 1 year of friendship. The young lady knew this is the man she would want to spend the rest of her life with, and both of them reconciled, starting fresh.
They were given a bonus year by God's will of being near one another to get to know each other much better. It was a magnificent year, as both of them built a strong foundation for their relationship. They had a few debates but at the end of the day, both of them come to a compromise as the bottom line is, they love each other dearly. After more than a year, honeymoon phase came to an end, and they had several ups and downs. But, their relationship is still going strong. Deep down, both of them know that there must be a reason why they ended up falling in love with each other twice. They are best friends, partners in crime and most importantly, each other's mentor. Most importantly, they want the best for each other.
This is a realistic love story. There were no fireworks or sparks flying on the first day they see each other, no cat fights and no dramas. No fairytale beginning or ending, because we all know, a good relationship can happen because of the effort both parties put in.
This is a dedication to the man I love :) Thank you for everything.
Wednesday, December 31, 2014
Drawing the curtain for 2014
Finally, 2014 is coming to an end.
Truthfully I am really glad it is ending. It has been one hard year not just for me, but for the entire world. With numerous aircraft tragedies, new virus outbreak, ISIS and natural disasters such as flash floods happening, I am sure everyone is praying for a better year ahead.
Don't get me wrong, there are some perks in 2014 as well. Steady relationship, graduated with distinction and generally just so grateful I am still able to walk on this Earth. This year, I had the opportunity to really learn more about myself as well as learning those that are close to me. I realised who are those that really cares about me and who are those hi-bye people. I really appreciate all the dear family and friends that had been with me through the most difficult time I had.
Anyway, here's to a better and peaceful 2015. Cheers.
Truthfully I am really glad it is ending. It has been one hard year not just for me, but for the entire world. With numerous aircraft tragedies, new virus outbreak, ISIS and natural disasters such as flash floods happening, I am sure everyone is praying for a better year ahead.
Don't get me wrong, there are some perks in 2014 as well. Steady relationship, graduated with distinction and generally just so grateful I am still able to walk on this Earth. This year, I had the opportunity to really learn more about myself as well as learning those that are close to me. I realised who are those that really cares about me and who are those hi-bye people. I really appreciate all the dear family and friends that had been with me through the most difficult time I had.
Anyway, here's to a better and peaceful 2015. Cheers.
Tuesday, October 22, 2013
Last year as a student =)
And the last year of my university life had started.
Looking back, I had come a really long way. From a little girl that was so attached to home, now leaving thousand miles away from my homeland :) Wrong choices made for the right reasons to grow up, I am glad that I had chosen this path.
From the start of my last year, I had been blessed with many surprises. I had gotten a good job for next year and found someone who made me really happy, as some might put it, Mr Right! Thinking back, at that point in my life I was actually thinking do I, a person as normal as anyone can be, deserve all this great things in my life? I was afraid, that one day I might wake up and find everything was just a good dream. At times like this, I am grateful to have a soul sister of mine to reassure me that things happen for a reason. She made me realized these aren't just random occurrences and that God had grace to give me all his blessings. So now, it is up to me to appreciate and make the best out of it. In other words, be a good steward of it!
Having my emotional side settled down and finally decided to grow up, I am more sure about what I want in life and planning for the next few years. I realised that I cannot always be the 19 years old who tries hard to be everything. I had learnt contentment and the simple pleasures in life that keeps me going everyday. A simple video call with my family, having meals with my friends, simple chat with my special guy and just having the time to lie on my bed doing nothing had made my days all these times!
So the thing I need to do now is to make sure I can go for that job and to cherish those that walk into my life :)
Looking back, I had come a really long way. From a little girl that was so attached to home, now leaving thousand miles away from my homeland :) Wrong choices made for the right reasons to grow up, I am glad that I had chosen this path.
From the start of my last year, I had been blessed with many surprises. I had gotten a good job for next year and found someone who made me really happy, as some might put it, Mr Right! Thinking back, at that point in my life I was actually thinking do I, a person as normal as anyone can be, deserve all this great things in my life? I was afraid, that one day I might wake up and find everything was just a good dream. At times like this, I am grateful to have a soul sister of mine to reassure me that things happen for a reason. She made me realized these aren't just random occurrences and that God had grace to give me all his blessings. So now, it is up to me to appreciate and make the best out of it. In other words, be a good steward of it!
Having my emotional side settled down and finally decided to grow up, I am more sure about what I want in life and planning for the next few years. I realised that I cannot always be the 19 years old who tries hard to be everything. I had learnt contentment and the simple pleasures in life that keeps me going everyday. A simple video call with my family, having meals with my friends, simple chat with my special guy and just having the time to lie on my bed doing nothing had made my days all these times!
So the thing I need to do now is to make sure I can go for that job and to cherish those that walk into my life :)
Sunday, May 5, 2013
Ini Kali, Memang Kita Dah Ubah :)
The most nail-biting election in decades.
GE13. Ini kali-lah, Ubah-lah Malaysia. which means this time, we shall change Malaysia.
Yes, this slogan went viral, and it does make a difference. I'm pretty sure everyone was really upset about the result and how unfair it was, I am too. However, if we take a step back and think, the Opposition did not lose.
They were able to secure Penang and Selangor, the 2 states which were the source of our economic growth. They were able to win some seats in Sabah and Sarawak, with votes that are so heavyly sided that even BN cannot dispute with their dirty tricks. They were able to win seats in Johor, which is the 'birthplace' of UMNO. Lim Kit Siang, who decided to compete in Gelang Patah even though he would have secured his seat in Ipoh but decided to take the risk for the sake of the country, his wish was heard by the people. Even though the odds are against him, he won. Doesn't this proves something? That Malaysians had woken up and that the younger generation are not so ignorant after all.
Everyone thought Pakatan Rakyat had a fair chance to win. This, again is not entirely incorrect. If it wasn't for BN's magical blackout or flying in innocent immigrants to pull up their votes, they would have won even more seats. The innocent immigrants are not to be blamed nor are they at the wrong. They were merely taking the opportunity to come and make a living so they can feed their wives and children. However, BN used them as their puppets and taking advantage of their desperation for their own selfish reasons. So, if you do want to express hatred, do it to the root of the problem and not the innocent victims. Ironically, our PM still denies about this situation even though there was so much of video and photos circulating around all sorts of social media. BN's technique is no longer feasible in this techno-savvy era. Yes, they can still bribe the rural area villagers but it is only a matter of time that THEY will have the opportunity to know the truth as well.
Rome is not build in one day. Fair and clean election takes time, and it is slowly in progress. Observe Pakatan Rakyat's net seats and compare it to the previous election. They are gradually gaining popularity. This election is just the beginning, and the turnout rate of 80% marks a very good indication on the next election, when even more young voters will be able to cast their votes to the right party and maybe THEN, we will be able to see more smiling faces.
Opposition parties who had been fighting for justice did not stop since 1965, why should we stop just because we lost this election why technically, should have won? We shall not let what the Opposition leaders had been fighting for been in vain, keep it in our heart and let BN know that next election will be their last. Ubahlah Malaysia, yes certainly Malaysia is changing, not overnight, but it is changing.
This is only the beginning. Let's keep our faith and educate the new generations as well as the rural citizens or maybe the immigrants as well! I believe in changes and despite what had happened today, I am proud to say I am a Malaysian because this election proved unity among all Malaysians and everyone hoped for the same thing. A clean, fair election to a better future for our children and our grandchildren :)
GE13. Ini kali-lah, Ubah-lah Malaysia. which means this time, we shall change Malaysia.
Yes, this slogan went viral, and it does make a difference. I'm pretty sure everyone was really upset about the result and how unfair it was, I am too. However, if we take a step back and think, the Opposition did not lose.
They were able to secure Penang and Selangor, the 2 states which were the source of our economic growth. They were able to win some seats in Sabah and Sarawak, with votes that are so heavyly sided that even BN cannot dispute with their dirty tricks. They were able to win seats in Johor, which is the 'birthplace' of UMNO. Lim Kit Siang, who decided to compete in Gelang Patah even though he would have secured his seat in Ipoh but decided to take the risk for the sake of the country, his wish was heard by the people. Even though the odds are against him, he won. Doesn't this proves something? That Malaysians had woken up and that the younger generation are not so ignorant after all.
Everyone thought Pakatan Rakyat had a fair chance to win. This, again is not entirely incorrect. If it wasn't for BN's magical blackout or flying in innocent immigrants to pull up their votes, they would have won even more seats. The innocent immigrants are not to be blamed nor are they at the wrong. They were merely taking the opportunity to come and make a living so they can feed their wives and children. However, BN used them as their puppets and taking advantage of their desperation for their own selfish reasons. So, if you do want to express hatred, do it to the root of the problem and not the innocent victims. Ironically, our PM still denies about this situation even though there was so much of video and photos circulating around all sorts of social media. BN's technique is no longer feasible in this techno-savvy era. Yes, they can still bribe the rural area villagers but it is only a matter of time that THEY will have the opportunity to know the truth as well.
Rome is not build in one day. Fair and clean election takes time, and it is slowly in progress. Observe Pakatan Rakyat's net seats and compare it to the previous election. They are gradually gaining popularity. This election is just the beginning, and the turnout rate of 80% marks a very good indication on the next election, when even more young voters will be able to cast their votes to the right party and maybe THEN, we will be able to see more smiling faces.
Opposition parties who had been fighting for justice did not stop since 1965, why should we stop just because we lost this election why technically, should have won? We shall not let what the Opposition leaders had been fighting for been in vain, keep it in our heart and let BN know that next election will be their last. Ubahlah Malaysia, yes certainly Malaysia is changing, not overnight, but it is changing.
This is only the beginning. Let's keep our faith and educate the new generations as well as the rural citizens or maybe the immigrants as well! I believe in changes and despite what had happened today, I am proud to say I am a Malaysian because this election proved unity among all Malaysians and everyone hoped for the same thing. A clean, fair election to a better future for our children and our grandchildren :)
Wednesday, April 24, 2013
Que Sera Sera
Whatever will be, will be.
For the past decades, I had been worrying about every little tiny details in my life that I don't seem to enjoy/cherish what I had at the moment. Thus, I had lost a lot of potential fun in my life. Worrying about if I can get into uni, if I can get good result, if I can get placements, if I can go home, if I can cure my homesickness, if I can adapt in the UK etc.
Now, when I think back, I could've had more fun and just enjoy the time. I worried too much about something so uncertain and might not even be a problem after all. A classic example would be when I was in my second year, I was dead scared about not being able to adapt in the UK and cried MORE than a litre of tears. Those tears are wasted on that issue, because in the end I adapted very well in the UK that everyone was so surprised and my parents were really proud of me. Thus, when I think back, it felt really ridiculous.
My mum is always very wise. She told me why worry about the future when you don't know what would happen tomorrow? Some people spent their entire life worrying about what is going to happen to them, and an accident took their lives the next day. They would be regretting for sure, why didn't they enjoy the present and leave everything to the future self. That was my turning point. It is useless to be thinking so far ahead while tomorrow itself is uncertain.
That's when I decided to turn a new leaf and be an optimistic person, which I did :) My friends who didn't know me in college all think I'm very tough and independent but I told them I was once very pessimistic about life and all. It's whether you want to wallow in that cycle of pessimism or turn to optimism. There are still times where I feel down and all, but at the end of the day, I will tell myself que sera sera. Let the future stays in the future and focus on the present. There will bound to be opportunities out there, waiting for me to grab it. Therefore, why worry about something that you don't even have any idea at all? Make sure I get the requirements to meet those opportunity should be my only goal for the time being.
And in the meantime, enjoy what I have in front of me at the moment and let the future be decided by the future me.
For the past decades, I had been worrying about every little tiny details in my life that I don't seem to enjoy/cherish what I had at the moment. Thus, I had lost a lot of potential fun in my life. Worrying about if I can get into uni, if I can get good result, if I can get placements, if I can go home, if I can cure my homesickness, if I can adapt in the UK etc.
Now, when I think back, I could've had more fun and just enjoy the time. I worried too much about something so uncertain and might not even be a problem after all. A classic example would be when I was in my second year, I was dead scared about not being able to adapt in the UK and cried MORE than a litre of tears. Those tears are wasted on that issue, because in the end I adapted very well in the UK that everyone was so surprised and my parents were really proud of me. Thus, when I think back, it felt really ridiculous.
My mum is always very wise. She told me why worry about the future when you don't know what would happen tomorrow? Some people spent their entire life worrying about what is going to happen to them, and an accident took their lives the next day. They would be regretting for sure, why didn't they enjoy the present and leave everything to the future self. That was my turning point. It is useless to be thinking so far ahead while tomorrow itself is uncertain.
That's when I decided to turn a new leaf and be an optimistic person, which I did :) My friends who didn't know me in college all think I'm very tough and independent but I told them I was once very pessimistic about life and all. It's whether you want to wallow in that cycle of pessimism or turn to optimism. There are still times where I feel down and all, but at the end of the day, I will tell myself que sera sera. Let the future stays in the future and focus on the present. There will bound to be opportunities out there, waiting for me to grab it. Therefore, why worry about something that you don't even have any idea at all? Make sure I get the requirements to meet those opportunity should be my only goal for the time being.
And in the meantime, enjoy what I have in front of me at the moment and let the future be decided by the future me.
Wednesday, March 20, 2013
Holding on.
This semester, I had learnt a very important skill. That is to keep holding on even though you feel like breaking down.
Finally, we got a taste of what a 'normal' university student experienced, COURSEWORKS. Well, when I mean normal, it's because my course were based more on examinations and lectures rather than courseworks. Therefore, we had something for a change this semester. It was definitely not easy, especially if you have hospital placement consecutively for 3 weeks! I had a very busy February, being very down especially during chinese new year and during the hectic 3 weeks. I was very irritated by little things that I normally have a laugh on, and wasn't the most sociable either. Not that I am very sociable to begin with :p
Anyway, February was just the tip of the iceberg. Following Feb, I have 3 courseworks due on the same day and poster presentation as well as care plan. Phew, talk about juggling between that and application for summer placements. Luckily, I was able to finish everything on time and I really thank God for giving me the time management skill. What would I do without it!
It's been a hectic semester and I am definitely looking forward to Easter break starting this coming week. I want to say a big thank you for those who encouraged me during tough times like this, and keeping me sane! :)
Finally, we got a taste of what a 'normal' university student experienced, COURSEWORKS. Well, when I mean normal, it's because my course were based more on examinations and lectures rather than courseworks. Therefore, we had something for a change this semester. It was definitely not easy, especially if you have hospital placement consecutively for 3 weeks! I had a very busy February, being very down especially during chinese new year and during the hectic 3 weeks. I was very irritated by little things that I normally have a laugh on, and wasn't the most sociable either. Not that I am very sociable to begin with :p
Anyway, February was just the tip of the iceberg. Following Feb, I have 3 courseworks due on the same day and poster presentation as well as care plan. Phew, talk about juggling between that and application for summer placements. Luckily, I was able to finish everything on time and I really thank God for giving me the time management skill. What would I do without it!
It's been a hectic semester and I am definitely looking forward to Easter break starting this coming week. I want to say a big thank you for those who encouraged me during tough times like this, and keeping me sane! :)
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