Scribble scrabble scramble!

Ano Hi Mita Hana no Namae o Bokutachi wa Mada Shiranai

2012-01-13T23:55:00.001-08:00

from left: Tsuruko, Yukiatsu, Menma, Jintan, Anaru and Poppo

It's a long name, I know. Even now I had trouble remembering it.

Anyways, I've been cooped up with all the exam revisions recently ( the exam is still ongoing til this very moment ) that I desperately want to de-stress. Knowing myself that I'm a hardcore anime and manga fan, I searched all over the net for some really nice anime to relieve the tension. Then it struck my mind. The recent Shounen Jump, well NOT the Shounen Jump from Japan but the one translated by our locals featured this beautiful piece of Anime. Due to its lengthy name, the production group and fans called it Ano Hana, which basically means that flower. Well, if you want a full translation of the lengthy anime title, it's called We still don't know the name of the flower we saw that day.

It's a beautifully done piece of work. With its plot surrounding 5 grieving childhood friends who are still feeling guilty over the death of our protagonist Menma that lead them to drift away from each other. Given the recent Anime which deals with more physical appearance ( showing more skin) this focus more on the emotional side of human nature.

The story starts out with our main character Yadomi Jinta, or known to us as Jintan started seeing his deceased childhood friend Honma Meiko (Menma) at his house. Jintan thought it was a manifestation of his guilt and stress towards the death of Menma that he started hallucinating her, even calling her the beast of summer. However, Menma told him that she haven't fulfilled her wish so she can't go to heaven and be reincarnated yet. The problem is that, Menma can't remember what's the wish she wanted to fulfill. Thus, the story begins. Jintan had been a shut-in since Menma's death and so we can slowly see the changes as he try to help Menma fulfill her wish. And this means that he would have to go back to the painful past. The beautiful thing about this story is that it is so realistic. All the childhood friends are guilty about her death, thinking that they played a part as they were with her that very day. They think that if they didn't do what they had done that day, Menma wouldn't have died. They were stuck at the time when Menma passed on. Her name has been a taboo for all of them and when Jintan told them that Menma is around them, they were all thinking that he was mad, telling him to snap out of it while trying to convince themselves at the same time too.

Each episode gives emphasis on one of the people close to Menma. How some were envious of her, some were in love with her and it even gives us a viewpoint from the family of Menma. How the parents were also unable to move on, how the mother cope with the death of her young daughter. You might think it's kinda creepy as it revolves around a dead spirit clinging onto a person, but it is being projected in a way that totally does not resembles any ghost movies.

enma, although she knew that she died, still holds on to her happy-go-lucky personality and certainly does not blame anyone for her death. Each character are also projected as someone you can relate to. How they struggle to live everyday despite the death of a person very dear to them. As a saying goes, it's not the one who pass away are sad. It's those who were left behind and have no other choice but continue to live. Although the Anime only last 11 episodes, it's still worth a watch. It finishes the story bittersweet. The difference with such Anime is that right from the very start, we know that at the end, the protagonist will be gone. Another example will be Final Fantasy Crisis Core, where from the very start of the game we know the main character is going to die at the end. However, this does not stop you from playing. This Anime has that power to make you wanna watch til the very end.

Anyway, I highly recommend this Anime :) It'll make you think twice before being nasty to someone and encourage you to live your life to the fullest, treating each day like the very last day you'll be on Earth.

What might happen if Menma didn't died that day :)

Shape confidence

2011-08-09T21:34:00.000-07:00

Shape and sizes.

In this era, skinny is always pretty. I, for one, hates that statement to the max. Who set the rule saying that skinny means that you are more beautiful than those who are not or those that are in the normal range on the scale of BMI? Is it because of models of top fashion designers are always skinny and that's why they are pretty? Well, if you think about it, models are not meant for eye candy because if they were, the viewers will be looking at them instead of the clothes they were modelling for. That's why they are super skinny, thin as a stick because they are modelling the clothes so they should not stand out more than the clothes, right?

I remember when I was young, I am one of the kids who are often being make fun of. I am rather chubby when I was still in primary school, ok I lied. I am not just chubby but big sized because I love to eat and enjoy food! That puts me under the spotlight whenever there are gatherings within extended family. Some family members will be commenting ' Aiyer, why you are so fat? When you are running it looks like you are going to fall down anytime!' Some cousins called me fatty and well, I was pretty offended by these statements and given I was still a kid, it really hurts! I have a low self-confidence and I will wear baggy clothes instead of nice dresses to prevent myself from being told that I am funny in dresses because it will show my size. They compared me with my sister who is rather skinny, saying that she can be a model and future beauty pageant, praising her. Even now, they still say 'wow, you lost weight. so pretty already' kinda statement.

They themselves wouldn't think that much but the 'fat' statement can really crumble a child's confidence to the max. It also send a signal to them saying that fat is ugly, skinny is beautiful. Til this day, I still tend to wear baggy clothes because I don't want them to comment on my body size since I am STILL not as skinny as my sister. During last chinese new year when I wore a dress to dinner, one commented 'wow, you are so chubby!' and whenever I passed by, the one will repeat it. So what if I don't have a model like body? So what if I'm not skinny? So what if I am chubby?? Look at Beyonce! She's not exactly skinny but she is beautiful! She has a voluptuousness body shape and curves! As long as I still have a normal body size and shape, I am beautiful in my own ways.

God created people with different shape and sizes for a reason because God doesn't make mistakes. All of them are beautiful and there are no preferences to one shape or sizes. To people who are still thinking skinny is best, well try to open up and see the beauty within everyone. As long as one is healthy, it doesn't really matter what shape you are. Love yourself for that and be grateful =)

Huh, what? I am 20??!!

2011-07-12T01:13:00.000-07:00

To those that know me personally will know I just turned 20 not long ago.

Yes, I finally entered the second decade of my life. Well, let's be frank. It's a miracle that I am still living because we all know that human life is so fragile and one minute we are breathing, the next we might be lying in a small box forever. So, I am really blessed to still be able to make full use of my cardiac and respiratory system. A big thank you for all of those that wished me on that day. You guys made my day.

Birthday, well.. I wonder why that birthdays aren't as exciting as they used to be when I am still a kid. Maybe because of the presents, I guess. Oh no, the problem is not that I can't get what I want. Rather, it is because I can't think of anything I want. I mean, back in those days, I have so many things on my wish list. A laptop, new handphone, trips to oversea, designer bags and et cetera. Those things are not achievable when I am still in secondary school. However, everyday feels like my birthday in this recent years. When I told my dad I wanna go somewhere during my summer break, poof! The next day he told me he booked a tour to Italy for me and my mum. When I complained my handphone is not functioning, he bought me a new one right away. Gosh, when I think of it that way, he pampered me too much. That makes me want to do well and make him proud in whatever I can.

They said the big 2 means that you are no longer a teen. I say bah! I still feel the same way as I was in 19. To me, age is just a figure and well, my brain still tells me I am a teenager *laugh*. What really shocked me is the surrounding. Recently, many of my cousins SUDDENLY became off market( unavailable ).. And well, even my friends started to have someone special in their life. I, on the other hand, is still struggling to find that someone special. Not that I am desperate or anything like that. Sometimes, I kinda feel the pressure from the older generation, especially grandparents, asking whether I have a boyfriend or something like that and suddenly the whole attention is turn towards you. When I reply saying that I don't really need it, my dad would say I am crazy. *sigh* life sure is hard.

Anyway, I still find it unbelievable that I am now 20 because my mind keeps telling me I am still the same old 14 years old trying to find myself :)

Thank You

2011-06-24T06:56:00.000-07:00

Taking a bold step is never easy. For me, at least.

I am always at my comfort zone. Afraid of the unexpected and thus, will not take a risk. However, growing up and meeting new friends really does change a person. A lot had questioned my choice recently about a certain matter. I did not made that decision overnight. It took sleepless nights and a trip to realize what I really want in life and I've been telling myself that time will tell. However, I know that by making this move, it is utterly selfish and unfair to the other party. That's why I've decided to do what needed to be done. I need to be honest with myself and that person in order not to create more conflict than it already had.

It's not the first time I've fallen in love. However, it's the first time I am being honest with my feelings and myself. In the past, I know that the relationship is turning sour and yet I did nothing. It's not because I was madly in love with the jerk but it's because having him around is already a habit for me. Messaging him daily and feeling his presence is already a routine for me. I am afraid of what's going to happen if I decided to end it and so, dare not take that very step that might save me from a serious heartbreak and a fear of commitment that's still stuck with me until the very moment. When he forcefully ended it in very BAD terms, I was crushed. But, my friends were there for me and well, I recover faster than I can imagine. That relationship changes my perspective of love and I became very cynical about lots of stuffs. Commitment will be the major one. It's not like I'm a two timer but I will not be totally open(heart wise, mind you) to that person. It's very unfair for that special someone, but I just can't get comfortable. There's a part of me that is still doubtful. It might sound like I am making excuses but that is how I really felt. I am like Barney Stinson minus the womanizer part.

After thinking for weeks, I've decided on what needed to be done. This special 1 year had taught me alot and I am less cynical now. I guess I haven't met that 'perfect' someone that could get rid of the insecurity and 'tame' the cynical part of me. Thank you for giving me such special memories. You will always have a special place in my heart.

Love is really complicated huh? Crossing the border of teen and entering 20, I still have more to learn. I guess, the childhood fantasy of mine getting married with my first love sounds really childish to a 19 years old me. One should fell in love more than once to really learn the meaning of love. It's not just the flowers, love songs and romantic dates. It's about understanding each other and deep down you know you can say to yourself:" Aha, this is the person I would want to spend the rest of my life with despite whatever disgusting habits or weird tics he or she has." Well, I guess I'll just continue my journey of searching the rightful one :)

Shoo..... Time flies

2011-02-07T04:38:00.000-08:00

Chinese New Year is always one of the main highlight for me in a year. Reunion, good food, ang pow etc...

However, this chinese new year seems abit fast and I just can't seem to get into the mood.

Since I left secondary school, my chinese new year break has been rather short. When I mean short, it means I only get 2 days off. Yes, following public holiday. Since my previous college KY is far away from my hometown the most I can extend is one more day. This year, my break is in fact very long. Since december til chinese new year. Of course excluding exams and revision time. I expect myself to rather look forward to this festive season since I got to help in preparation and stuff. Yet, everything happened so fast that *poof* here comes the first day of the lunar calendar.

Wow.. All I did in preparation is just helping my mum buying cookies, drinks and puts up the decoration. Though mostly is my mummy working:) I have to admit mum, this year's decoration is AWESOME! For chinese new year, all I did is just eat, drink and watch Anime(Hakuouki is currently my sister and my hot topic of the moment :P Can't blame me, Saitou Hajime is just too handsome in that anime!)

There comes the first day, then the second and third and the last day where I got my holiday. During the forth day, I was just busy packing my things, thinking oh no.. I have to go back to the jungle again... What have I done for CNY?? I didn't feel excited and now it's ending already.

I have to agree with my mum. She once told me time flies when you hit 20. I guess that's true. I started my 2nd semester for my course. And in 12 weeks time, my first year as an undergrad student will end. Alright, I should stop thinking and feel scared. Let's hope time slows down ;)

The Rose

2011-01-19T22:49:00.000-08:00

After my exams, I finally got the time to watch a movie my cousin gave me, called April Bride. It's about a woman in her 20s who gotten breast cancer. Highly recommended. Anyway, one song in the movie called The Rose. It's not a new song but a rather old one. Though the meaning of the song is so nice. So, there you go.

Some say love it is a river
That drowns the tender reed.
Some say love it is a razor
That leaves your soul to bleed.

Some say love it is a hunger
An endless, aching need
I say love it is a flower,
And you it's only seed.

It's the heart afraid of breaking
That never learns to dance
It's the dream afraid of waking
That never takes the chance

It's the one who won't be taken,
Who cannot seem to give
And the soul afraid of dying
That never learns to live.

When the night has been too lonely
And the road has been too long.
And you think that love is only
For the lucky and the strong.

Just remember in the winter
Far beneath the bitter snow
Lies the seed that with the sun's love,
In the spring, becomes the rose.

君に届け Reaching you

2010-11-01T20:20:00.000-07:00

やさしい日だまりにチャイムがディレイする
ほほをなでる風息吹は深くなってく

遠まわりの涙名前つけた明日
重なる未来色のライン

あどけないこんな気持ちも
はじけ飛ぶほど笑い合えた日も
大切に育てていけるように
とぎれとぎれの時を越えて
たくさんの初めてをくれた
つながってゆけとどけ

放課後の夕闇笑うきみの背中
ひそかなささやき触れたことのない想いの中

僕の中のきみときみの中の僕で
絡まる未来色のライン

雨上がりの街の匂いと
夢みたいな秘密を胸に抱いて
何度も泣きそうになってまた笑う
考えるよりずっとはやく
その胸に飛び込めたらいい
つながってゆけとどけ

何よりも大事なきみの前で
傷つかないように大事にしてたのはそう自分
その一言がもしもサヨナラのかわりになってしまっても
ありのまますべて

あどけないこんな気持ちも
はじけ飛ぶほど笑いあえた日も
大切に育てていけるように
ほんの少し大人になってく
君になりたい僕を超えて
つながってゆけ
今すぐきみに
とどけ

English Translation

In that gentle spot warmed by the sun, the chime is delayed The wind brushing my cheeks turns into my deep breath

Roundabout tears, the tomorrow we named Are all overlapping future-colored lines
These childish feelings
The days we laughed together happily
I hope we come to treasure them
You surpassed this disconnected time
And gave me lots of firsts
I'll connect them to you, I'll reach you

The after school sunset, your back, as you're laughing
Secret whispers, inside these untouched feelings
The you inside of me, and the me inside of you
Are all interweaving future-colored lines

The smell of the town after the rain
And the dream-like secret I hold in my heart
So many times I've felt like crying, but then laughed instead
Rather than thinking about it, hurry up
It's fine if you just fly into my heart
To connect to you, to reach you
In front of you, cherished more than anyone
is someone who cherishes you so that you won't get hurt, that's right, it's me
Even if your words somehow become "goodbye" instead
Everything will be as it is

These childish feelings
The days we laughed together happily
I hope we come to treasure them
I'll  become just a little grown up
Surpassing the me that wants to be just like you
To connect to you
Right now
to reach you

Brand new start

2010-10-13T07:52:00.000-07:00

So, the day came. Yes, where I have to get my bum out of the house and start my brand new life in Semenyih. I managed to adapt that place much faster than during KY. Quite shocked at myself too.

Anyway, initially I do feel homesick and I don't feel like going, but I manage to do that. ( a pat on the back ) My first week was filled with fun. I had a 2 days orientation organized by the pharmacy society, also known as PharmNotts. The seniors are very nice and I did make new friends :D I changed my way on approaching people. Being outgoing and confident do help a lot.

Classes started pretty soon and the course is NOT EASY! Quite tedious actually. There I was, after A levels thinking yes! I won't have to face much of biology anymore. But how wrong I am! Having classes of physiology and pharmacology. I even learn some of physics and some of statistics. Which is not what I expected. Dispensing classes are really fun, except for our super thick labcoat and my goggles keep getting water vapour blurring my vision. By the 3rd week, I had put my hands in making my 1st 2 products, Oral rehydration salt and Ammonia and Ipecaucuanha Mixture BP 1993 which basically is a cough syrup. LOL

My hall of residence requires me to walk about 10 mins to get to my building, plenty of exercise which is not a bad thing either. I started to drive to my university from my home recently, due to the presence of LEKAS highway :D it takes about 35 mins from my place so finally I got the green light to go on highway!

Brand new start, brand new ME! This will be my second home for the next 2 years. Then I am off to UK :)

Lollipops

2010-09-30T22:24:00.000-07:00

I am missing my lollipops already :'(

Quite unexpected.. Thought that I am prepared for this.

You :D

2010-09-10T23:49:00.000-07:00

Comical and frisky

Need more to say? :D

Soul-brother

2010-09-10T08:05:00.000-07:00

He's very emotional. Indecisive and like to play little 'games' with you. Sometimes when he get on my nerve, I would think.. Why am I best friends with him again?

Oh! I know why! Because he is the one that would always take my side and support me, brighten up my day with his ridiculous jokes and respect that I need some private space. Yup, that's him :)

There are terms like soul mate and I believe this person is my soul brother. If this kinda thing actually exist! During my school days, many people thought that we are an item. Even now, according to him some of his friends thought that he had a knock on me. However, we have surpass that stage long time ago. Most of my school days, he's seen around me all the time. We sit together in most of our science lab session. Of course, we do fight. You see, I don't like being offered many options. Him, being so indecisive always makes my head go round and round. That's our major source of a fight. Yet, we always make up to each other the very next day. Or else, both of us would be bored to death. I would say talking to him is my main source of entertainment at school. I still remembered, he used to stay back after school just to accompany as I need to wait for my sister due to her POL classes. That's very nice of him.

After graduating, I thought that our friendship would gradually fade. Yet, he always make plans to meet up with our whole gang. And, I am really grateful for that.

Anyway, I just want to say. Kar Ming, thanks for walking into my life. You are one of the very best friend that I would want to keep for the rest of my life :) (Happy now??)

Things come when you least expect them to

2010-09-04T06:03:00.000-07:00

September has arrived.

Looking back, when I was still super homesick this January, my mum was telling me:" After sitting for you A levels, you really need to think what you want in life and whether you do want to go UK or not. Since is so far away and there's no way you can come back home frequently." Other than worrying about if I could meet the requirement for my university, I am still uncertain about whether or not I should just pursue my course locally. Safe money and I can come home frequently. I even thought of going to local university such as USM to do my degree, though my dad gave me a big NO. I was thinking maybe I should just go Australia instead. It's nearer and cheaper. Plus, Monash University offers a full 4 years course to be done locally. I was so sure about going to Monash that time, until I nearly don't want to fill in my application form for University of Nottingham.

That time, I was thinking to myself. ' Aiya, apply no harm what.. Can get in that time only decide lar..' Then, came the interview for a place in Nottingham, which I had passed. At that time when I've gotten my conditional offer, I told my mum, 'Well I've gotten it and daddy was really happy.But I wanna keep my option open.'

Yet, *poof* I had been making a lot of choices without me realizing it. Subconsciously, I had filled in my accommodation form, submitted it and confirmed a place. Then came all those form... Now here I am, going to this university by this month.

This is how they say, things will go naturally when you least expect them to. It's true in many way. For example, I had never thought of going to study in one of the top-notch university when I was still fooling around in secondary school. Nor do I expect to meet someone special during the start of my college life where I thought every guy looks super smart and is in love with nothing but their books.(which I am wrong. They are normal, trust me) Like what they say, things will come to you when you let it be. The more you force it, the more it drift away.

Cheers :)

In growing up

2010-08-22T23:12:00.000-07:00

When I was still in secondary school, hearing my cousins having someone special during that time will make everybody who are older telling that person :" Just be friends first and focus on your study. Those things can wait."

However, when you are now stepping to university. The question now is completely opposite. People will start asking :" Got boyfriend already ar?" Then, those who graduated would be asked :" When wanna get married?" And the thing goes on. Those who are in their 30s would be asked :" When wanna have children?"

It's so strange. Just few years difference and yet..

The topics between the older and younger generation changed the minute you stepped out of high school. They start asking you about what you want in life? When do you want to plan you life for the next 10 years? However, for me, we are just mere late teens who are still trying to figure about what we want to achieve in life. Yes, of course if we have a plan it would be nice. In my case, I haven't really figure what I want in life. Maybe today I think I want a successful career, but tomorrow I might want a simple and happy life. This things are still uncertain and might change. Easy example, I told my parents before. If I am lucky enough to find someone special in life, then I might want to settle down after working for few years and open a pharmacy myself. However, if I just don't happen to meet that 'special' someone, well.. No big deal. I can work in big pharmaceutical company and travel around the world. Either way, I win!

So, I personally don't think hurrying to grow up will help in the long run. Then again, it's just my personal opinion.

Me mumbling...

2010-08-14T07:38:00.000-07:00

Time flies. It's August already, half a year had passed.

My cousin, MT had graduated from MMU in last 2 week. So, happy convo~ Found out that he FINALLY proposed to his girlfriend. LOL( The word Finally intended) Congratulation on getting engaged! After that happened, it caught me thinking. Wow, few years back, we are still playing around like kids, snapping crazy pictures during festivals and gatherings. And now, getting engaged? Time really flies.

I've gotten my A levels result. It wasn't what I expected but it is a pleasant surprise. So, no regrets.. Just a hint of disappointment, I guess. I met my requirement for my university choice and will be starting university in a month's time.

My KY friends will be going UK. Gonna miss you all! Have fun there and I'll meet you guys in 2 years time :)

No-ble gas

2010-08-09T06:27:00.000-07:00

I am noble gas. It started as a joke on my best friend's facebook page. Then again, when I think of it, it's actually true.

Well, the obvious reason being a noble gas is that they are inert. They are unaffected by surrounding, unlike elements such as sodium which are highly reactive. That's true. I am who I am. People who know me might think that I am different, in aspect of my habits, thinking and even my interest. Yet, I am not affected by what they want me to be, because I am who I am!

Secondly, noble gases are stable. That's also what I am. Unemotional most of the time, or like what my sister like to define me.. A rock. I don't use to be like that, but things happened and I think by not being so emotional is actually good. You don't get hurt!

Well, I don't mind being a noble gas, because I am noble:P

Reminiscence

2010-07-12T06:06:00.000-07:00

I still remembered during my high school days, I would spend the entire school hours chatting with my best friends about all sorts of jokes. Outsiders might not find it funny but well, I always end up with a tummy ache after school hours. No joke, they really brighten up my school life.

Last Sunday, I came across my long hidden Nilam book because my sister was using it. Then, I found out something. This particular book was created by my best friend, K.

Book name: God bless America!

Author: Jane Austen(Okay...)

Publisher: Disney Pictures

And the synopsis is really speechless..

Synopsis: For reason unknown, there was an unscrupulous creature who invaded to the city of America. It destroyed everything along its path and left none alive. Action and battle were taken to take this creature down.

Moral of the story: Do not feed animals without following the rules in the zoo.

Seriously???!!!! It's the joke of the year for me! He wrote the everything in my book!

Another is one that I wrote which he used to laugh all day.

Book name: The world's greatest ghost stories and the synopsis is just a line. ' It contains the world's ghost stories.' I can still remember how he used to make fun of me.

I really salute him! That's what makes my high school life so colorful I guess. It's the friends that we made that make each day bearable.

Anyway, I just want to share this :)

The Invisible barrier

2010-07-06T23:52:00.000-07:00

I am a crybaby, especially when I am still a baby. I don't let anyone other than my parents to touch me. Touch me, and I'll cry for sure. That's why I am always defined as not cute to my aunts. One, because I am tanned (yes, even as a baby) and I have small tiny eyes( well, someone defines it as Korean eyes). Secondly, I cry a lot. Yes, A LOT!

Even as a kid, I am often an outsider when all my cousins played games. Those are the days when computers are still not 'the thing'. I still remembered hide and seek is one of our favorite, next to disco ( well, we basically off the lights and start using torchlight to shine the whole room while blasting our eardrums with loud music). Yet, I am always out of those games because when my cousins make fun of me( I am a dinosaur because back then, I am quite chubby.. ehem fat and still very tanned), I'll cry. So, they tend not to count me in, save them a lot of troubles, I guess.

However, when I think back, this is actually a reflection of me deep inside. There's always an invisible barrier between me and all the people who knows me. Although I am very close with someone, I don't open up completely to them. Reason is simple, I don't want to get hurt. If I open up myself to that person, there's always a probability that the person might betray you( I am sorry if I hurt any of you, but this is what I think). It's not about trust. Even if I really do trust you, it takes a lot of time for me to actually start to open my heart. So, if that person can do it, then well done. But for 19 years, the only person that I've ever open up to is my mum. It takes a very long time for someone to gain my trust completely, so if you feel it's worth it, then I'm glad.

There are just some things I would keep to myself for that special someone. Well, that would make that someone special right? If you tell all the things to everyone, then that person would just be one of those people isn't it? Anyway, I am weird so my thoughts are a bit cuckoo.

Well, that's just me :)

Sweet 19

2010-07-02T22:52:00.001-07:00

Since I've graduated from high school, birthdays seems to me like just another day. No, it's not like I am making a big fuss over it or I feel sad or anything, but really, to me it's just like any other day.

If you've read my post last year on 2nd of July you'll know what I am talking about. There's no longer princess of the day thing because I am too old for that. Celebration is just mere cakes and good meals which I really do enjoy =). But anyway, turning 19 means I have to be more mature and so, I don't really make a big fuss over it anymore!

Well, I've got tonnes of wishes from my friends and family so to me, it's good enough and I am very touched! It means a whole lot to me! Some stay up late just to wish me when the clock strike midnight on my birthday (erhem.. sheldon, have I answer your question then?:P) Others via message and FACEBOOK!

Thanks to: ( Here goes my long list) Chi Han, Kar Ming, Kenny, Ze Ying, Krishna, Shin Yek, Deena, Synrol, Chong Chin Tong, Kaiye my girlfriend~, Tian Feng, Opie, Jim, Diba, Pei Ying, Jo Ann, Dom, Shahrul, Nan, Adrian, Amy, Shar Linn, Zhen Fung, Siti, Kee, Jin Yong, Ili, Jessey, Gregory, Louis, Emily, Pei Xian, Kee Hung, Ben, Amirah, Sheldon, Pn. Halijah, Jasmine, Ganesh, Vi Leng, Shifa, Sally, Ting Wei, Wei Nanx, Shu Yi, Saktish, Eng Chung, Errol, Caili, Yi Qing, Hui Peng, Chung Ling, Wen Yi, Jia Le, Anju, Mei Ching, Siew Hong, Gloria, Shawn, Ian, Yin Shi, Sandra, Wai Shan, Jean, Wen Huei, Bryan, Adline, Lip Seng, Jolene, Thong, Pui Leng and Min Shen =)

You guys are the best! Thank you so much!

Of course, thank you daddy and mummy for bringing me to life. I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you guys!

Turning 19 means this will be my last year as a teen. Well, it's really time for me to grow up huh. Well, step by step I will grow up eventually so in the mean time, bear with my childishness =) Because I plan to keep some of my childishness when I am growing up!

Perhaps Love?

2010-06-30T18:56:00.000-07:00

"If you don't love me anymore, I would cut my wrist/ run away from home/ run over by car/ bang myself on the wall (please select one) now!"

Well, my sister, A has been threaten into this situation lately. When she told me, I looked at her and laughed. "You thought what? Making a movie now is it?? Why does the guy need to be so dramatic?" That's always my reply to her. It's kinda true because according to her, the guy likes to watch Hong Kong-based dramas. I am not surprised when he came out with that few AMAZING lines.

I always feel that my high school life had been rather peaceful and drama free, which is very opposite compared to what my sister had experienced the minute she stepped into my high school. She's very different from me. Always the center of attention, smart, cool and of course, pretty. Me on the other hand, is always seen as a bookworm, and insignificant at school, not that I want the attention though.

So, she attracts all kinds of friends, ranging from bookworms to ah beng or ah lian. That makes her daily life at school way more interesting than mine and the dramas she see, well, pretty dramatic at times. There was once she told me about this particular couple where when one of them wanted a break up, the other cut her wrist and ended up in the hospital. Whoa, seriously the government should start banning dramas! And the reason I did not specify the gender is because, well, both of the are the same gender. Another big WHOA!

Well, that's what makes teenagers teenagers. If they are rational, then they should have been called an adult. I am not in shoes to make fun of them, because I have been through that stage before. Thinking love is something so great and beautiful, and the person I am seeing is "The One". Falling out of it is like a big slap of reality! I've learnt and grew from it and I think I have mature from my past. Of course, I couldn't help but to be cynical about certain stuff because that's the plain truth.

For example, fictional novels love the idea of love at first sight. "When I saw him across the coffee table, reading my favorite book. I knew! This is exactly the man I would spend the rest of my life with!" Reality check please!!! There is absolutely NO WAY that would happen! You may think I am a cynic, but I am just being realistic. It just doesn't happen that way!

The thing about fictional novels and Taiwanese dramas( yes, especially Taiwanese dramas) gave this youngsters a fake image of love. They thought whoa... Love... La La land.. Cotton and candy 24/7... Well, sorry to ruin your fake image but that ain't gonna happen!

Yes, of course it feels like La La land and yes, of course it feels happy. BUT, you need to work for it. It doesn't come and swoosh you away without placing you back where you are and then, you realize that you need to put in effort to make things possible.

So, advice for high school kids, it's okay to taste what does it feel like to be in love, well.. Puppy love. Just spare the dying part! Nobody likes the line " Me or death" Okay?

Cheers :)

Turning a new leaf for better

2010-06-22T20:48:00.000-07:00

"You should be more optimistic about things! Do you know that if you are so pessimistic you tend to make the things that you fear happen??" This is what I told my friend when she's being so pessimistic about certain things.

However, I am no different. I always looked tough and being all confident about things but deep down, there's a sense of uncertainty. I doubted a few things and it would really affect everything that I have been holding on to ultimately. So, I always tell myself that I am one independent being and shouldn't be attach to things. I dislike clingy people so I shouldn't act like one!

I trust myself and others. So, if anything happens, I have no regrets because it's my own decision that I had made. I should maintain my happy-go-lucky self then!!

Cheers :)

P.S: I am confident enough to say that I am not afraid of what will happen in the future! I think I can conquer it!

Closing the chapter of my life at KY

2010-06-20T19:12:00.000-07:00

Well, it ended.

My ordeal at (survival difficulty: extreme) jungle had officially ended. As much as I hate to admit it, I wish I would be able to go back there with my friends.

I went back to college on Thursday by the mean of Commuter. Well, it wasn't the best way I would say. I pushed off at 2.30pm, ending up in Tg. Malim at 5.50pm!!! End of semester dinner was held that very night. The food wasn't extraordinarily tasty but I had a great deal of fun! The next day was our full dress rehearsal for the big thing= Awards Day.

Somehow, those 2 days just flew right away. And here I am, sitting at home.

Gosh! I can't believe it. I can still remember the very first day I came to KY. I was lost, homesick and wished I had never chosen to do A levels. Now, I felt the complete opposite. I made friends, learnt to be independent and etc. So yeah, this is the best decision I made so far.

Well, good things gotta end for us to appreciate it. I closed a fruitful chapter in my life and now waiting to open another. My mum told me don't be so nostalgic because I will end up with a lot of baggages. But!!! I don't think those are baggages. They are all good and wonderful memories that I want to keep forever!

First Prom( Erhem, External Dinner to be exact)

2010-06-14T04:40:00.000-07:00

"100 bucks, you know?? So expensive! I don't think it's worth it for a night at KL!" This is what I said when someone asked me whether I am going to prom, well more correctly, external dinner for seniors.

I planned to skip prom since the very beginning because, firstly it is so expensive! Plus, nobody is going anyway. And thirdly, my parents are at overseas that time. I once told my friends if I am able to go to prom, then I am sure miracles do happen in real life. However, unexpected things always happens to me.

Suddenly, everyone wanted to go and so I decided if I can pursue my mum to let me, then fine, I'll go. Back then, I thought my mum wouldn't say yes but!! She said it is up to me. So, I ended up signing up before I have a second thought.

The night was a memorable one for me. It was my first ever prom and a good one as well. Those who were there should figure that out themselves and I am sure everyone enjoyed it as much as I did. The food was okay and it was quite entertaining. Now, I feel that's the best 100 bucks I had ever spent, well excluding good food I guess.

I danced for the very first time, well with someone ( you know what I mean). It was quite awkward but I enjoyed it. Got to spend time with my friends and well.... Okay, this is getting embarrassing.... Anyway, I had a wonderful time and I am sure I am not the only one who thinks so!! =D

Mistake? don't think so

2010-06-11T01:15:00.000-07:00

A levels had ended, which means that's the end of my life at KYUEM. Well, if I was still the same person back during the start of this semester, I will be very happy and saying 'thank god it ended!! Finally I can go back to my comfort zone!'

However, I wish it would not end now. Not when I just started to enjoy my time there. I always thought that coming to KY is a bad choice that I had made, but not anymore. Because I went there, I learnt how to be independent, learnt how to socialize with people, adapt to my surrounding and meeting 'you'.

So, I really gonna miss that place.. Things that I would miss:

1. Wednesday Western dinner

2. Weekend sport and computer games

3. Tuesday and Thursday vegetarian night :)

4. Ramlee's burger

5. RC time

6. Heart stabbing by FY

7. After dinner chat:)

8. Talking with friends.. Mostly gossip, I guess

9. FRIENDS!!!!!!

10. erhem.. you guys should know (wink)

11. ONG KAI YE!!!! Most beautiful girl in KY, Happy now?? :) LOL

Well, coming to KY is not a mistake, NOT AT ALL. And I'll never forget my days in this college because although everyday we did the same thing over and over again, each day is memorable.

Anyway, I still have prom and graduation to attend, so I'm going back there..

Unexpected turnout and exam!

2010-05-28T20:57:00.000-07:00

I had always hated the month of May. However, I'll say this month is the best that I had.

13 days before A level finish and I'll be back home. So far, exams had been getting pretty hectic and pimples start to show up on my cheek!!! It's a big deal for me because I don't usually get acne near my cheek!!! OMG!!!

Anyway, that's a proof that I am still a teen and growing, I guess :P

I always had been very realistic and logical however I've been out of the zone for this few weeks. It's not a bad thing though. Well, just go with the flow I guess. Hmm... That's the update...

Your Presence

2010-04-24T22:49:00.000-07:00

Slowly, you crept into my thought. I had never thought of you that way, nor had I noticed that you are there all the time. There are times where I really want to let you know, however I didn't dare to take a step further because it might ruin everything that we had until now.

I always had this thing for eccentric people, you are one of these people. Seeing you around makes me happy and sad at the same time. I am scared to look into your eyes, fearing that you might know how I feel about you.

I like your smile, because it's like a ball of sunshine.

I like the way you talk and crack jokes, because I know you are trying to humor all of us.

I like the way you look at me, because it shows that you are serious.

Yet, it is very tormenting for me because I feel like telling you but I can't make myself to do it. So, I hope you would know.

(BY THE WAY, THIS IS NOT WHAT HAPPEN IN REAL LIFE)

April

2010-04-18T02:47:00.000-07:00

It's already April. Gosh! Time sure flies huh..

Anyway, it's been a long time since I updated my blog. So a re-cap of April and March.

Trial had just finished, and I doubted that I did well since I am not-very-prepared!! Anyway, it's an opportunity for me to brush up anything that I need to work on.

Heat wave is still all around me, making each day hard to live because it is so hot!!!!

The main thing is that, I found out about something recently. It's quite personal so I won't talk about it much. Let just say that I found its presence after more than 2 years. However, there's nothing I can do about it. Hmm...

Daddy's birthday is around the corner. So, Happy birthday, daddy! I love you and sorry for being so troublesome to you and mummy all the time! I will grow up!

Well, that's all I think. LOL

Mummy's Love

2010-03-05T04:58:00.000-08:00

I had written a post dedicated to my dad and my sister. So, it's my mummy now.

I think the one who know me quite well will know that I am very close to my mum. We are more like sisters and best friends rather than mother and daughter. Believe it or not, we are not that close before.

This changed when I had my first heart break. Most teenagers would never tell their parents that they started dating and that they are in a relationship. Well, I am the same. I didn't told my mum but my sister did. My mum was unhappy at first, but after getting to know who I am with, she didn't object. (it was a big MISTAKE) Well, after my heartbreak, I was devastated for 2 days, not eating and sleepless. My mum was always there for me, giving me advices that are more of a friend than a mummy's advice, telling me her experience and comforting me the whole time. I was very touched and since then, we became closer and closer. I tell her everything, yes, everything.

Leaving for college, I think she's the one that I missed the most. ALOT is the right word. Everytime she calls, I would end up sobbing because hearing her voice makes me miss her more. The comforting words that she gave me touched my heart and that's why I cried. Well, partially because of that. She loves me no matter what I did, how I behave, how stubborn I am.

That's why I want to say, mummy, I am sorry for being such a big baby. I am sorry that I am self-centered and stubborn. I am sorry that I always make you worry.

I will learn not to do that anymore.

I LOVE YOU LOTS AND LOTS!!! I WILL ALWAYS LOVE

Re-cap of February

2010-02-28T22:46:00.000-08:00

It's been a very looooooong time since I wrote my last post, well the simple reason is that connection for wireless is slow here and when I go home, I don't feel like writing anything. Anyway, time to update again!

Next week would be the last week before our semester break start, I had been going home every single weekend since January, this means that I had to stay back this coming long weekend in college 'cause my dad told me that next week I would be going back so stay for this week. *sigh*

Chinese New Year had officially ended last Sunday. It's just a glimpse of an eye, *Poof* that Chinese New Year had come and gone. Well, mine was very short as compared to my other cousins and even my dad's holiday. I only get 2 days off. WOW! Well, although I did complained that it was too short and the college should made it a week off, yet I am lucky that I was able to switch back to the study mood very fast. My cousins and siblings had 1 week off and well, it's harder to switch back, I guess.

Recap of what had happened throughout the whole February, I managed to keep up with the workload of A2, believe me, it was HARD!!! Finally, I got my certificate of academic excellence from my secondary school last Saturday, an opportunity to meet up with my old gang. Everyone looks so mature while I am still the same old self. I got rewarded for my SPM results from Kow Chow Association. One might ponder what is Kow Chow? Well, it's just like Hakka and Hokkien. I am Kow Chow people. LOL

Ok! I think that's about it. Looking forward to next week!!!!! Got my interview for University of Nottingham next friday. Getting my fingers crossed!!!! Oh, by the way, I am going to China during the break! Which means I had to bring along my revision notes.. (OMG)

What is this compared to other people?

2010-01-19T01:13:00.000-08:00

It was the second week of me in college and unfortunately to say, I am still homesick. While I am busy thinking about home and indulge in self-pity, something happened in our country.

I called my mum, telling that I am very depressed and I miss her... She is pissed off. Who wouldn't be?? I mean, I am really embarrassed about my behaviour as I am going back this weekend. My mum yelled at me, saying that why am I so concern about myself and not other people. Every word struck me, as they are completely true. She asked me whether have I read the paper this morning and I answered no. She told me to read as there are people and families suffering from more tragic things compared to me.

She was referring to the Dragon Boat Capsize in Georgetown. Students from Chung Ling High School drowned. She told me that she cried reading the news and I should care more about other people and less about myself. I went and search in Internet about the news. When I read it, tears are gushing out like a spoiled water tap. The pictures showing the family members crying about their sons being gone forever made me realise how spoiled I am. Compared the degree of suffering they are going through, mine is nothing.

http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2010/1/19/nation/5500220&sec=nation
This link made me cry a lot. It's really dreadful and the loss of someone you love dearly can never be replaced.

Lovesick

2010-01-12T20:57:00.000-08:00

Finally,after 7 weeks of break, the time has come for me to pack up and go back to college. Yeah, time flies...

So, it's my last semester in KYUEM and after 2 semester, well I thought that maybe I will adjust really quickly at here. BUT, I WAS WRONG WRONG WRONG!!!! Well,the first day that I came back wasn't so bad as I arrived at the evening. The next day, I felt it.......

I miss my family, my dog and especially mum... Whenever my mum called, I can feel that tears are gushing out of my eyes. It's pathetic and I know that I shouldn't be feeling this but I am emotional.. My mum laughed at me when she called me, saying that I am lovesick. Well, maybe it's true. I am lovesick. I miss them dearly. But, what can I do?? I am here and this week is a short weekend, so there's no way that I can go back. Well, I just have to endure this and it will pass soon, just like the first semester. I think this happens when you are too attached to you family.

New year, new start?

2010-01-05T19:51:00.000-08:00

Last year was considered a fruitful year for me. I continued my studies in college, leave home to live in KYUEM for the very first time, experience how torturous examination can really be and I've learnt to be independent.

In a swift, we had to bid 2009 farewell and welcome the year 2010. Yes.. I know, I know.. That means new year resolutions have to be made to ensure that I work towards my goal. For so many years, I am still doubting of which course should I be choosing for my university application. Whether I want to apply for medicine or pharmacy. I AM CLEAR NOW.

Thanks to my mummy and daddy, I know what I want in life, what quality of life am I pursuing. I am going to forget about medicine. YES, I am going to apply for pharmacy. Reason??? Well, after thinking for a while, I finally come to light. I want to pursue my interest after having a career. Interest is..... MUSIC. I noticed that if I am to pursue medicine, then I have to give up my interest because there is no way that I can be treating patients and manage a music school at the same time. So, I've finally decided. Pharmacy it is. (Provided I have the qualification to get myself into this course).

So, I hope that this year will be a fruitful one for all of you. :)

Time to update again, I guess..

2009-11-19T02:48:00.000-08:00

Ok. This would not be a long usual post because I am apparently using to chalet's dirty keyboard and I don't think I can type for a long time without actual seeing the letters I am typing since I covered it using my tissue. LOL

Well, this is the last week of my second semester which means I only have one semester left. Yeah.. Holiday.. Supposely I should be very happy, but unfortunately.. I have a lot of catching up to do during this 7 weeks of holiday!!! GAH!! Not to mention about the tons of homework!! Well, that's life, huh...

Gosh!! Yesterday end of semester dinner give me a bad night.. I ate like a cow yesterday.. Yeah, there goes my diet.. I had nasi lemak with chicken, a bowl of laksa and a bowl of "chee cheong fan".. Don't know what it's called in english..:P Oh!! Forgot to mention I had roti John and Apam Malik too... I feel so bloated until today!!! SHEESH!!! Well, what can I say?? Free food!! * According to Amirah*

Finished my AS this week!! Finally, I can have a break after such long 2 months of exam!! YES, 2 MONTHS!!!

Jean told me about this new blog website called tumblr.. Hmm.. Anyone who is interested can visit my blog in www.whateverinterestsme.tumblr.com ! I created it today so don't expect anything from it!

Well, I think that's all..

Quote: Let my hair down, so that I can see the world in a wider perspective. Lift my head up, so that I can see how small we are in this universe. Small as we are, but we have our part to play in making the world a better place.

Through the keyhole

2009-11-07T03:06:00.000-08:00

When we were young, the world seemed so beautiful and nice. We are naive and we worry about nothing! Yet, as we grow older, we saw the the world differently.

I remembered when I was a kid, my ambition is to be a cashier. Yes, it seemed very stupid but I still remember why I wanna be a cashier. I am fascinated by the machine that they used!! My sister still laugh at me when she think back. But, that's the true. Now, I don't even know what I wanna be. It's so complicated and I seriously don't know what's my interest.. Funny huh..

When I am still a kid, I always thought policemen were the good people who protect the people. Yet, as I grew older, the thought somehow disappeared. Now, I think that policemen are not the people who protect the citizens, rather some of them are the one who are responsible in causing problems to the country.

When I am still a kid, I don't care about status and money. I think that money can't buy happiness. Now, I am money-oriented and getting a career is for the sake of money. I am not proud of my thinking but what can I do? Indeed, money can't buy happiness but they do help in inducing happiness. It makes me happy when I go home. I need a car to go home, which means I need petrol. Petrol needs money and therefore, we do need money to buy happiness.

When I am a kid, I don't care how I look. I can go out wearing my baggy clothes and I don't care about my weight either. My cousins used to call me fat or something but I don't even bother. Now, even though I am in the range of normal weight, I am very conscious of how I look and I am dieting at the moment.

There you have it.. When we are kids, we see the world using a magnifying glass. Everything seem so big and nice. We don't care about what people think.. When we get old, we see the world through a keyhole. Everything seem so small and not ideal anymore. We are conscious of what people think of us and try to fit in the society. So sit back and think.. What makes us change our mind? Can we use our childhood innocence as a key to open the keyhole, go behind the door and see the world in a wide perspective??

Dedicated to my sister

2009-11-06T18:17:00.001-08:00

While I was busy studying for my biology, I saw my phone ringing.. I was my sister.. She sent me a message saying:" Can you call me?"
That instant, I thought that maybe she wanted me to call this chemistry tuition teacher. Yet, when she picked up the call, I heard sobbing......

She had ended the stage that she went to. Which I will not state what it is as it is very private talk. The thing that I wanna stretch here is that, being the eldest among 3 younger siblings. I am always the one that they can lean on when they are facing problems and doesn't want to tell the parents. I am like a part time parent to them when my parents went for vacation. I am my younger sister and brother playmates although we are approximately having 8 years gap. I am also my 15 year old sister shoulder to cry on.

When she wanted me to call her, I am relieved that at least she will find me when she encounter problems and I don't mind cause that is what being a sister do! Yet, the thing is that, I am not good in counseling people and I can only give reasonable advice since I reason with everything before making the decision. I felt like crying when I heard her sounding so sad. Yes, I will admit that I am very emotional but it's just human nature. When someone that you care got hurt, you will feel sad too and want to help them to get better.

So, Wei.. Stop being so sad. It is a part of you growing up! I still remembered when I have my first heart break and it is really heartwretching. I understand how you feel but it will pass!! You still have your friends and family! Cheer up and get your butt out of your comfort zone!! :)

To Daddy, With Love

2009-10-26T17:59:00.000-07:00

I always thought that my dad is the family man type, which means he won't express his feelings openly but show it in his actions. My mum is different because whenever we talk on phone, we will tell each other that we love each other.

Then, came one incident that change my thought about my dad.

It was Sunday the previous week when I came back college. Being known for blurness, it did not cross my mind the whole time that I have forgotten to bring my file back. You get what I mean if you are in the same college as I am. It's the green file. Ok. back to the story. When I wanted to start revising, I realised that I don't have my file with me. I freaked out, literally!! I was screaming OMG all the time that Veena thought it was something really important. Well, it is for me. My timetable, my notes and even my trial bio practical is in there. Then, without thinking, I hit call on my phone and called my mum.. She didn't pick up which makes me even anxious. Then, I called my dad. He picked up and asked me what's wrong since I just went back.

I told him the whole story and I expected a lecture from him. Yet, he just said he will bring it tomorrow and tell me not to be so careless next time. The minute I put down my phone, I begin to feel guilty and starting to think how far my dad needs to travel just to bring a file. Tears start gushing down and I feel really bad..

The next day evening, he came and it makes me even more guilty. After travelling for about 45 minutes from work, he went down the car with a smile and pat me on the shoulder. I said thank you and he just said ok. Then he went. My eyes were fixed on his car until I can't see him anymore. I felt really bad and so I texted him, saying that I love him. Then he replied, "me too!" I swear that I am gonna cry the very next minute but I hold back my tears.

I've learned that it's not that my dad doesn't express his feeling openly but it's just that we never make an attempt to do so. This incident also tells me how much my dad loves us and how far will he go to make sure we have what we need.

SO, DADDY... I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH!

There's nothing wrong being alone. I just need to be independent, that's all.

2009-09-03T21:41:00.000-07:00

Throughout all these years, friends are really something that I care about deeply. If my best friend is not happy, then I won't be. If my best friend is happy, then I will be the same. Plus, I am a person who is afraid of being alone. That's why to me, friend is important.
Now, I have found out something. How lucky I was back then to have a friend to lean on, a friend to share my joy and sorrow, and will respect me in all ways. As much as I hate to say this, I have been hanging out with the wrong person right from the very beginning. This "friend" of mine is getting bored of me and switching to new people now. Maybe to him/her, I am just another person crossing his/her life and nothing more. But, he/she does not know how much pain that had cost me. I treat them wholeheartedly, hoping that they would do the same to me. BUT NO! I've been through this before, and I ended up switching school. I ran away last time and I ain't gonna do it anymore. I am sick of being so dependent on that particular one person. That's why I am changing now. I am going to start hanging out with different types of people. Making friends, for me it's very hard but I am sure I can do it!
Thinking about it now, maybe that's why they are bored of me. I am too dependent. I should stop my childish behaviour and start being mature and have fun. I am sure that I can do it. Worse come to worse, I only have 9 more months here. So it's going to be ok. I have to reassure myself that I am going to be ok. There's nothing wrong being single and alone anyway, we are born alone in this world and one day we are going to die alone. That's why I don't understand why people are so afraid being alone, including myself. *sigh*
I can do it.. I can do it.. I can do it...

My Ultimate Weekend

2009-08-16T20:22:00.000-07:00

I reached the gold level of otaku last weekend. For those who knew I was staying back in college will doubt whether I am in college or not since I have not appear in everwhere for the whole weekend.
The simple reason is that... I have NOT step out of my chalet! Literally speaking!!

Due to the fact that our chalet only consisted of me and Illiany as Dal and Fang Yen went for DOE expedition, I have no reason to go out. All the things that I needed are in my room. I eat there, sleep there, study there and even watch movie there. When Nan went to my chalet, she asked if I went back and I said I am still here, she got a shock!! I have been invisible the whole weekend. I don't think anybody could ever sit in the hot room for 2 days. Well, I tried. Yesterday when I finally came out to takeaway my dinner, it seems like I've been in my room too long that my eyes need time to adjust the amount of light present. Ridiculous as it seems, but totally true.
Schedule of that weekend:
after class.. Gossip girl..
Study after that..
Decided to shower followed by my Maggi Dinner.
Back to studying.
Gossip Girl again.
Listening to radio... Then sleep until 10am the next day.

Sunday:
Wake up and had tuna bread for breakfast.
Study for 2 hours
Gossip girl 2 hours.
Repeat the whole cycle again until after dinner
Study until 10 something..
Sleep while listening to radio which I eventually switched off due to ridiculous noisy songs.

THE END OF MY EXTREMELY OTAKU WEEKEND!

Survival Rule in Lembah Beringin. by ME

2009-08-12T23:51:00.001-07:00

Right, I am particular about things. Many things, actually. I called them Li Ern's Rule to Live in Lembah Beringin. I think that is my biggest weakness. Let see:
1) I need to sleep at by latest 12am because I am particular about the time and a healthy lifestyle should comprised of at least 6-7 hours of sleep.
2) I have to eat at 6.45pm. It has whatsoever nothing to do with a healthy lifestyle. It is just a thing that I think is proper to do. Plus, it's a rountine for me to eat at 6.45pm.. Not 6.40pm, not 6.50pm but 6.45pm..
3) I don't take snacks, even if I am very hungry. Well, I scared that I might put on weight and for me it is not proper to eat other than normal mealtime. Pathetic, right?
4) Hmm... I have to stop studying at 11pm to prepare myself to sleep. Well, if I have so much work that haven't been done, then this rule is excluded.
5)Feet should not be on my bed whatsoever! Yup!! I just can't stand people when they put my feet on my bed. I know it is mean, but what can I do? I sleep on it so I have to make sure it has to be clean.
6) One burger is allowed per week. NO MORE THAN 1! This rule is set by myself and Kai Ye when we realised we have been burger too many times a week.
7) Not having lunch. Well, the simple reason is that dieting. I, unfortunately gain weight everytime there's a holiday. Therefore, to make myself feel less guilty, I decided to only take fruits and at most 2 pieces of bread for lunch. Still following!
8)No sound when I am asleep. Not even whispering. I know, I know.. I am being ridiculous but I seriously will wake up even there's slightest noise! And trust me, you won't want to mess with me when I woke up due to this factor. If you want to know what I will do, feel free to ask Dal.
9) Coffee is a MUST for breakfast. Well, if coffee weren't serve, tea will do. I started this practise after I realised that Coffee or tea will jumpstart your metabolic rate and so I start to take in at least a cup of caffeine a day. What a wierd reason to do so.
At last,
10) The above listed things must be followed no matter what happen. Well, unless I say to myself that I am excluding myself from following it.

Of sharp-looking eyes and child-like face plus behaviour..

2009-08-10T18:17:00.000-07:00

Situation 1:"Did you know that you look very scary when you are not smiling??" I often got this comment from people who are not close to me. They say when I look at them, if looks could kill, they would have died straight away. But!! It's not that I am really angry or something like that. Sometimes I just simply stare into the space but people would say that I am staring at them. Well, I am born with sharp-looking eyes!! What can I possibly do about that?? That's me!!

Situation 2: During the week off from my college, I went to the bank to change my account from a teenager's account into an adult's account. When I am asking a guy who worked there, he gave me this suspicous look and asked: " When did you turned 18?" What?!!!! I told him last month, and he then begun to check the database. "Ah... Yes, yes,yes.." and gave me an apologizing smile.Hey!! What does that mean??? My family always commented that my face hasn't change abit... Even abit since Standard 6!! Yeah.. I look pretty old when I am in Standard 6. My sister always told me and for your information, it's my younger sister, that if I went back to my secondary school and wear a pinafore, nobody will ever notice that I had graduated!!!!

Situation 3: Enough about my sharp-looking eyes and child-like face, another problem.... My Peter Pan's Syndrome.. Well... To me, it's not much of a problem but to my parents... Well, maybe.. Stepping into adulthood, it seems like my brain is stuck in year 2004?!!! Well, that explain why my behaviour comes in a package with my face. Anyway, my sister AGAIN always commented that I never do grow up. I still like to read comics and watch tv.. Well, what does grown up do then?? Work.. Work.. Work everyday??? I don't like watching dramas from Hong Kong or Taiwan.. I don't buy those chinese novels that I've seen my classmates holding since Standard 6.. So what??? I am unique.. Well, that's what I think.. :P

So anyway, please bear with me and try to understand that when I stare at you, I am not angry at you.. I am 18 although I look and behave younger than my chronological age.. AND BEING A KID IS NOT A PROBLEM AS LONG AS YOU KNOW WHEN TO STOP!!

My Dilemma..

2009-07-19T05:38:00.002-07:00

This week, I am sadly to say, staying back in my college. Well, the good thing is that, I can study. I can't believe that it's going to be 2 months until my AS exam trial. I mean, I just got out from SPM and now this? Man, it makes me think that I am actually speeding to get out of education. Well, that's what the original plan of my parents and myself, right? Graduating a year earlier than my secondary school's friends who went to Form 6. Now, everybody is thinking about his/her personal statement.
The point is, 99.9% of this college's students are going to UK. BUT, I am not. I am the 0.01% student. Sometimes, having know that I am not going to UK makes me think that I am not up to other people's standard and I am just going to stay in Malaysia, so why bother coming here in the first place? The students here are studying everyday cause they are aiming for Cambridge and Oxford or other top universities in UK. But me? I am just a girl whose going to University of Nottingham in Malaysia. Yes, in Malaysia.
Does that mean that I am not as good as other people? I don't need to work as hard as people? I am dumb enough to stay in Malaysia? Well, after thinking about it, the answer is NO! I work as hard as any other people and I do not consider myself as some lazy old bum and not as good as other people. There are a few reasons for me to stay:-
1) I am not sponsored and going to UK is expensive in terms of tuition fees as well as the cost of living.
2) UK is extremely far and that means I can only come back once in a year.
3) I am the only student doing pharmacy in the entire batch and that's mean I will be going alone to UK.
4) Money. Yes, everything is about money!

I do want to get the best education, believe me. But, after much consideration, I decided to stick with twinning program of 2+2 in Nottingham Malaysia campus. Well, I might consider Curtin University Australia as Australia is nearer and the cost of living is not that high as compared to UK.
It's just the thought of everybody going to top universities that bothers me. I don't want to be think as someone who is not qualified enough to be accepted into the top universities.

Opening my second chapter

2009-07-13T07:28:00.000-07:00

Today, I got back to the jungle.. Literally....
It takes me more than an hour to unpacked. Then, me and Dal decided to go to cafe for a late lunch. That time, my heart is still at home. I am just a mere body without a soul wondering around the college. After lunch only, my senses had slowly creep back into my body. I begin to feel that I am once again here.
I felt homesick, that's the sign I get when I finally realised that I am indeed here. Here again.....
Of course, I felt like going home. I felt that something is missing in me, but I did not cry. I kept reminding myself that in 2 weeks time, I will be back home.. Yeah... In two weeks time... Huh....
I need to distract myself in the mean time... I found manga powerful in distracting me.....
GAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Plain Solid Truth

2009-07-09T20:30:00.000-07:00

I noticed that I haven't been honest with myself for a long time. Ever since I was stabbed deeply in the heart by a jerk.. So, I will tell something which is true about myself this time.

Firstly, I am really lazy..
I can sit wholeday reading manga and watch anime.
I hate people who are not honest but I am behaving like one, I think sometimes.
I am interested in someone who had 2 vowels in his/her name.
I am seriously homesick, even now.
My mental age is not my physiological age.
Sometimes, I just want to lie in the bed the entire day.
I think I am slacking in whatever I am doing.
I am emotional and sensitive.
My sense of humor is undeniably dry.
And, I think I should stop right now!!!

Switching language

2009-07-09T01:03:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I found out that they are switching back into teaching science as well as math in Bahasa Malaysia. I think it is quite ridiculous. No offense but it really is.

Take my younger sister for example, she is sitting for her UPSR this year and will be entering secondary school next year. During form 1 to form 3, she will learn math and science in english. Yet, when she reached form 4, she will be learning it in BM. Think about it, all the terms for especially science will be in BM when she reached form 4. I am sure she will have a hard time trying to re-learn everything. Plus, after learning 2 years in BM, she will switch back to English as I am sure my dad will send her for A-level. That time, she will have to struggle again to re-learn the whole thing. What a waste of time and energy trying to learn the same thing all over again for twice!

As our leaders wished Malaysia will be a fully-grown country in near future, why switch back? All of the materials are in English now and we all know that English is no doubt, the international language. By learning Chemistry, Biology and Physics in BM, is it going to help the students to excel better in Universities? NO! I know the reason of switching back is due to the drop of grades in rural areas. Yes, it is true. But, this is just a short period of time for them to adapt and I strongly believed that, with the help of good English-speaking teachers and time, they will improve. Now, by switching back, we are going backwards. In long run, they will not benefit from this as they will have difficulties when they go to Universities.

When we want to learn something, we must start from young. I am sure everybody knows it. This also implies to this particular issue. By teaching the children from young age, they won't struggle when they reached secondary schools. Moreover, they will have no problem as they go to universities because language is no longer a barrier from them. They can soar to anywhere as long as they are capable of understanding in English. If the teachers can't teach properly in English, well make sure they do. This can be done by having seminars or even giving tests to teachers to make sure they know what they are teaching in English.

We must think in long run not short period. We should not spoon-fed the schoolchildren just to make sure they get a whole load of As in their public exam! This will not help them. Imagine if they get scholarship to study in UK and when they reached there, they don't even know how to communicate well in English. What will the developed countries think Malaysia is? Still a third world country that has yet break the language barrier!

I seriously think the government should reconsider changing the system. If it only implies to primary school then it is still acceptable but not secondary schools. They should think in long run and toughen up the students. Please don't give an easy way out for the school children, they should think positively instead of moaning of changing for a easier life. Nothing is easy in this world!

*If you guys have any opinion, do drop by and give comment about this issue! I think my younger siblings will have to go to international school if this issue is left like this.

When you are older, does not exactly mean you are wiser though...

2009-07-05T22:42:00.000-07:00

Last week, I leapt from 17 to 18.. Yeah, A year older...
I started my B-day with a sorethroat and my sick sister disturbing me to wake me up. Then, I was greeted by Fang Yen's birthday wish.. She was the first one! Followed by Eng Chin, Karming(my "brother"), Andrew, Jasmine and Illiany~

My mum literally forgot my birthday as my sister was sick and she was thinking about cooking mee suah for lunch... Anyway, I turned on my PC and something finally brigthen up my day! So many birthday wishes are on my facebook.. Later, I spent the whole afternoon reading comic. My mum finally remembered today is the day, so she bought me a pair of New Balance shoes which cost RM139.90!! My sister gave me another Gugu, a smaller one though.. For those of you who doesn't know about Gugu's existence, you can always ask me!

My dad simply called to wish me. I did not see that coming though! LOL... We had dinner in Kensington and bought a Baker's Cottage cake. The saddest part is that only 3 of my family members are celebrating with me. My mum was busy washing bottles whereas my sick sister was being knocked out by stomachache..

Although it was not really a celebration, I want to thank all my friends.. Let see.. Diba, Subana, Geetha, Anju, Shifa, Sheldon, Shen Hong, Sally, Dom, Dal, Jim, Evan, Abigail, Wai Shan, Sandra, Eng Chung, Phui Gi, Gregory, Pei Xian, Loshini, Jean, Min Shen, Wei Khee, Azri, Bryan, Arif, Ben, Ili, Amirah, Jo Ann and Krishna! Oh and my cousin in law to be, Wen yi~

Closing the first chapter in KYUEM

2009-06-19T21:00:00.001-07:00

Today will mark the end of my first semester in college. Not to mention closing the first chapter of my college life. Seniors graduating, preparing for the incoming batch, etc.... So much are going around me. For six months, SIX months I had been living in this area so-called Lembah Beringin. For six months I had endured the toughness of A-level subject and for six months I had live without my parents and still surviving here.

In a glimpse of an eye, the long six months had gone. I know, I am contradicting myself but I do think it is long. Yet, after the semester dinner yesterday, I had changed my mind because after this break, we all will become seniors. For the seniors at present, they are leaving today. I guess life never really turned out to what we had imagine. During January, I was wondering myself how am I going to survive here without parents??? And now here I am, in my chalet blogging. This experience really changed me alot. Let see:-

1) I can live without my parents although I still go back once a fortnight.

2) I am independent as in I do my own laundry, make my own bed and clean up the whole chalet.

3) I am more discipline as in I study daily basis and no last minute work, let alone General Studies though.

4) I am more active in cocurricular activities as in I help in many events.

5) I exercise now. I REALLY DO EXERCISE NOW!!!!!

Last but not least, I learn that family is really important in one's life.

So, I am closing the first chapter of my life in KYUEM for now.

So long, Farewell peeps...

2009-06-19T08:42:00.001-07:00

This week marks the end of my first semester in KYUEM, and goodbyes for my friends who had already or going to leave this college.

Firstly, there's my dear friend Anju. She got herself a JPA scholarship to study medicine in overseas which I am very proud of her, yet she would have to do her foundation in Monash University. She came back this Thursday to say goodbye with us. This event took place in my chalet. We chat for awhile, take pictures and finally her parents keep calling her and that marks the end of the time she spent in KYUEM. Each of us, the girls, hug her and bid her farewell. We sent her to her car and wave goodbye as she step her foot out of the college. Although it's just a mere 6 months period, yet I felt grief when she really left us. Gone. Not coming back here. She is really a special friend of mine and we share secrets which we swear we won't tell anyone. Now, she's gone. I had lost someone who I can share secret with here.

Secondly, there's Azri and Syazwan. Both of them got Petronas Scholarship and will be going to Taylors. I am not very close to them but being in the same batch, we do see each other often. Especially Azri, as we are in the same group during induction. Azri left us at Wednesday which I had missed the farewell party because I did not know they had changed the time and NOBODY even told me about that! I am so sorry, Azri!! As for Syazwan, we had his farewell yesterday and that time, Liyana also told that she would be leaving our batch as she got scholarship. Well, our batch sure is getting smaller and smaller, eh....

Last but not least, Ban Long. He will be graduating this semester. His Korean hairstyle won't be seen hanging around college anymore and we won't get to bump into him during mealtime or kiasuing time. He's a very unique friend, I would say. I can't exactly put it in words but yeah, he's someone that you won't get to meet everyday. Me and Dal would not have a model to judge whether we are MIA( Missing In Action) or not because the king of MIA would not be around anymore.

Anju, I would really miss you and have a good life in Monash!
Azri, Syazwan and Liyana, our batch would not be the same without you guys and good luck in your future undertakings.
Ban Long, take care and hope you will release an album someday in near future!:P

Paranormal, unexplainable things

2009-06-10T03:22:00.000-07:00

Do you believe in spirits? I am pretty sure most people will say yes, though minority like my dad do exist where they say there is no such thing as ghost in this world. For example, it is not proven by scientific researches and ghostbusters always come back empty-handed. The truth is, there are always something which cannot be explained or proven. In other words, paranormal stuff. UFO, Martians, Vampires... Who invented these things?? No one. It is being passed down generations by generations that these things are true.

As I creep to my adulthood, I starts to think maybe paranormal things really don't exist and they are just mere myths and stories. Yet, my sister's experience changed my thoughts. Last weekend, I went back and my sister just came back from a 3 days 2 nights camp in Taman Malaysia in my hometown. It is a mini size jungle with chalets and few show aboriginal houses and that place is really nice to go for a walk. Not alone, of course. Yet, you will never know what lies underneath those shady trees and abandoned houses, especially at night.

My sister's camp had night hunt every night and it is not the regular night hunt but sort of a ghostbusting night hunt. They divided them into groups of seven and give each group leader a candle and 3 matches. They have to walk around the whole area of Taman Malaysia at 12am, are the committee crazy or just plain dumb? Oh well, my sister's group start walking(she was the 6th of the 7 people) and suddenly she felt the boy behind her was cold. They hold hands when walking and the committee warn them not to let go each other no matter what happens, obvious enough?? Anyway, the boy's hand was as cold as ice in an instance and my sister felt something was wrong, so she signal the leader to start counting the group members by saying your number out loud.1..2...3...4..5..6........ No seven.*gasp* As that guy did not answer, my sister began to have goosebump. She said the code of their camp, if he answer the real code means he is still him; If he did not answer or saying the same thing as my sister, then*ahem* "he" is something else. And... He did not answer my sister! Ok!! If I was her, I would have just fainted right on that spot!! The committee who was following them notice something was wrong and start swinging the joysticks around that boy. And the temperature returned immediately! Wierd, right??

That was not the end of it. After that, they reached a dead end and have to make a U-turn. My sister felt something was there but she doesn't dare to look at it. When they are turning, there it is, standing there and looking at the group of kids. My sister saw it and she noticed the boy behind her saw it as well, as he was squeezing my sister's hand like there's no tomorrow. Unfortunately, my sister doesn't want to tell me what she saw, but I think it is better to remain it a secret. She told me it is nothing like what we pictured or seen in movies. It doesn't look like human.

After the night hunt, the committee decided to pray for the ghosts and began to lighten the joysticks. Gusts of wind blew from nothing and rushed down to the direction of joysticks. The joysticks are burnt faster than normal do. All the little kids of form 1 cried when they saw what happened. Well, you can't possibly blame them 'cause I would cry if I were them. Then, the ex-committee began playing hide and seek at 2am as they say only 2am the ghosts will come out. Are they insane or just plain stupid??? Who would want to see those things??? One of my friend, yes, same age as me, hide behind a tree. It took them 2 hours to find him, the wierd thing is that he said he can see them looking for him and he even called out the committee. Nobody saw him and they are 100% certain that the spirits had hide him and he became "invisible". I don't believee it initially but my mum said it's true because she experienced it herself back when she was a schoolgirl.

After what had happened to her, it makes me think twice of going to jungle or camping. These things really do exist and no kidding, we can't see them but who knows, they are everywhere. So, no jungle for me from now!

The angels and demons

2009-06-03T05:18:00.000-07:00

Angels, the good ones, the messenger of God, the kind hearted ones...
Demons, the bad ones, the messenger from Hell, the evil ones....

Everybody knows that, right? But who decided who are the angels and who are the demons? Humans?? Well, yeah! Yet, who are we to decide? Not even a person in this world are born bad. There is no such thing as innate in good and bad. It is the nurture or the situation that force someone to become bad. Take a government of a country for instance, they are the ones that supposed to protect the citizens' welfare and healthcare, yet more than 5 countries governments are corrupted. All they care is the money they are making out of unfinished projects or for finished project, they used more money than they should have used. They should have been angels yet they are more like demons in our world. This so-called angels are the real devils.

On the other end, the "devils" are the poor citizens who doesn't have enough money because the government had drained their income through income tax, tax, tax.. In the end, they had to snatch from other people because they had families to feed. The devils of this society have a reason for their action. I am not biased towards these criminals but this is the truth.

So, who is the real angels and demons? Think yourself.

May, The month of misery.

2009-05-28T05:13:00.000-07:00

They say May is the month of joy, they say May is the month of marriage. But for me, May is always a month that I tend to dislike. The simple reason is that, every year, those worst things will happen to me this very month. I don't know what did I do in my past life on this particular month but everything just went wrong this month!!

How do I begin? Let see.. This month, I found out that I am forced to go Ecotrip in June 21st. Other than that, I need to do a job attachment in June for my universities applications. Worst still, I thought I will be doing it with Pharmaniaga, BUT today I found out there's problems and I can't proceed with my plans. Now, I need to get in touch with local hospitals or pharmacy for my job attachments. Then, even worse, I had my chemistry semester exam yesterday which is 2 1/2 hours, consisting of 2 papers. Oh My Gosh!! The moment I stepped out of the lecture hall, I knew I had flunked it!! It's not what I had expected. I had done past year papers but turns out the past year papers are different board! The past year paper is OCR board whereas the semester test papers are Cambridge!! I can't believe it!! Anyway, I told my mum and she said now I had got the taste of how the real A-level is like, I can know how to tackle it.

Today, we had a meeting where we are told we had to move into different chalets after the semester break. I am so comfortable with my chalet and it is near the academic blocks!! Why?? Apparently, we had to move into respective house village so that our housemaster can monitor us! Makes no sense!! We are 18 years old and even though they group the girls together, what about the boys??

Hah.. I am so stressed out!! But now, after talking about it I've feel better. I won't be beaten by changes and disappointment!! I am strong!! I am unbeatable by things like this!! Yeah!!

No matter how dark things seem to be or actually are, raise your sights and see possibilities-always see them, for they are always there.

Eco-trip?!

2009-05-23T08:28:00.000-07:00

Life is complicated, isn't it?? Full of so many decisions to make by yourself, not having anyone to help you decide as you grow up. The thing is that, this is life and although you hate it, it will keeps going on and on.

I learnt it this year, actually I learnt so many things that I am not exposed to this year. The simple reason is, I am not staying at home anymore. Mum and Dad cannot make decisions for me anymore. If I decided to not go to classes, nobody will lecture me anymore and nobody cares. Sadly, this is what grown up life gonna be like. You are on your own. The decisions that I have to make can seriously affect my everday life, believe me or not. Ranging from whether or not to go for meals at our very own Dining Hall to going ecotrip, I can spend hours to weeks trying my very best to decide. The whole thing seems simple but it's not. I am dead serious. Sometimes i really feel like running away from all of this. Yeah, it's irresponsible and I admit I am still a child. How can you expect someone to just grow up over few months of staying independently?

Everyday, I will be having the same problem, deciding... deciding... deciding... Today, I decided to tell the teacher in charge that I will not be going to Ecotrip, which is in Perlis State Park and 400km+from our very own Lembah Beringin. I gathered my courage and spoke to her. Then, she asked for my reason of not going and said it will be very useful for our Biology Syllabus. I gave reasons like job attachment and transport problems which are true because we will be coming back on a weekday and very hectic for my dad to come and pick me up as he is working. Then, she keeps trying to convince me and finally, I agreed to go. Huh??? Wierd, right?? The truth is that, I can't stand people convincing me. I am a very soft-hearted person and if you keep convincing me, I will naturally agree. Well, this will only work if it is not something which is very very important to me. I have my limits in doing things and if that particular matter is off-limit, I will not agree no matter what.

Anyway, I came out and I feel like slapping myself on my head!!! Argh!!! I should have said no just now because that was what I planned to do, isn't it? Now, I got no choice but to go to that faraway trip.It might be fun but I had never stayed in jungles before. Okay, I know I am studying in some sort of jungle area but they have facilities here, individual rooms and bathrooms. I sure hope Perlis State Park have private bathrooms because if it doesn't, they will have some hygeine problems with me. We are staying there for 4 days and 3 nights. For me, it is a very long time. We will depart from college at Sunday, 21stof June,7pm and will be coming back 24th of June, I think. I will only got to go home at maybe 5pm. It's the semester break and I have to put up with such a bummer!!!

Phew, got that one out of my mind already. Hmm.... Wait a minute, it is still in there. I am now planning how to escape from this trip!

What goes around, Comes around?!

2009-05-14T05:12:00.000-07:00

Recently, I have done a moral presentation on Taoism, it caught my attention of one of their beliefs.. Yes.. I am not a Taoist! Ok, back to the main topic.
There's this Wu Wei belief. They believe that what you have done to other people, will affect you back. In other words, Karma.. I always believe that how much effort you have put in, how much you are going to get in the end. BUT!!! Not in this case. For my semester exam, I did not do badly but it is not what I expected. I studied 6 hours a day and I do my studies constantly, NO LAST MINUTE WORK!!! And yet, my result.....
When I get back my first paper, which is Mathematics, I got an A.. Happy, of course.. Then, for Biology paper 1 I got an A too! Yippee!!!! The next day, I got back my psychology paper, which turns out to be an A.. Then comes the downhill...
My Biology paper 2 and paper 3 is horrible.. And because of that, I got a C for my semester!! Malaysian study, Oh Gosh!! I failed!!!! I got 14/30 which means I will pass if I get one more mark!!! Fortunately, I passed my Moral Studies. It's not like I did not study Malaysian Study, believe me.. I started reading few days before my exam.. And for Biology, I always revise and revise. When I know what I got, I was devastated and feel like vomitting!!
That's why I am so emo this week. Not because people trigger me, but rather I am having the SECOND WORST week in KYUEM. Anyway, I told my parents and I think they did not blame me but still, I felt guilty for doing badly after all they had paid to send me here. Well, I guess I just have to do well next time. I CAN DO IT!!!!
To all who had done well, be proud of yourself and continue your effort!

Looking Back

2009-05-12T20:16:00.000-07:00

It's been about half a year I leave my secondary school. Recently, From 6 had started and most of my peers are going to Form 6. Yet, some went for college, like me.
I heard from my best Indian guy friend who is in Perak now to go University Tunku Abdul Rahman that one of my other best guy friend went to Tafe college and is currently doing Accounting. It caught me thinking that Wow!! I guess we are all going separate ways, huh?? In a glimpse, we will all be working in society, having our busy life.
Having nostalgia of my secondary school life, I still remember the times we spent laughing at silly jokes to kill time, hanging around together and spending most of our time together. Now, it seem so long ago. I wonder we would ever had the time to do it again. We all know that when we start going to new school, we make new friends and tends to forget the old ones. When I told Dal, she said it all seem so fake as we are so good that time and now we don't even have the time to contact each other. Yes, I agree with that..
These best friends are so hard to sustain because we move on in life. So, we can only keep our fingers cross that the friends I have now will last my lifetime.

And D-day finally arrive..

2009-04-20T23:01:00.000-07:00

We had been preparing for almost 3 weeks! Everyday, I am so busy until I don't even have time to take a deep breath. I am sure that everyone feel the same way as I do. If you have read my last post, then you will know how it is.

Anyway, finally 20/4/2009 had arrived!

Previous day I just came back from my house trip at Cherating, then I went straight for dance practice at 10pm which is until 11pm. I was so exhausted that I slept without dreaming. Then, in the wee hours, Dna called to ask me to go practice my fan dance again, I think about 6.30am. I had such a headache that I can't even open my eyes. So, sorry that I can't make it. At 5pm, straight after my Biology practical, I went to the Great Hall to set up the decoration. Turns out that we are lacking so many stuffs, so I just have my dance rehearsal until 6.50pm. I rushed back to take a quick bath, eat my dinner as quickly as possible, rushed back to the Great Hall AGAIN! Decoration time!!

Firstly I had to cellophane the whole drawing to the cloth. Then, the troubles start! We tried to pin the art onto the curtain using pins(thumbtacks). Yet, it is impossible to do so. Few seniors are very helpful, they helped me to think about the ways to pin that big cloth up. Finally, thanks to Wen Zhen, we successfully cellophane the whole cloth onto tables that had been put layers by layers. Without noticing, our headmaster had arrived! Argh!! Run!!

I quickly run to backstage to get ready for our Kung Fu Fan dance and Kung Fu Panda Dance. I swear that I am so anxious that time, because this is the 'tick' of my life. I had never ever dance since 11 years old!! Me and Shawn went out from the other side while Naddy, Kaiye and Deena come from one side. It is so dark and when the music started, I can hear Dal screaming!! The whole dancing session is really fun. I actually enjoyed it very much. Hmm.. Guess all the hard work paid off. After our turn, The boys had their nan chak. Then booths started and I have to go to my mahjong booth, no gambling though..

This is an experience of a lifetime. Thinking of it now, I wish it didn't end so fast.. Haha..

Everybody say Panda!!

Hmm.. Real college life??

2009-04-15T08:48:00.000-07:00

This might be the longest week I have since I arrived at KYUEM. Not that I complain about it because I volunteer to do the work.
My schedule had been very tight compared to last week. Last week is like a honeymoon because seniors are having their trials so we have quite a number of free blocks. This week, however, is rather different. I have to wake up at 7.20am, as usual, and go breakfast at 7.50am as usual. Then, classes will start. After all the hustle and bustle of the day, my day is not finish after 4.15pm! Dance practice for Chinese Cultural Night which is on 20th of April will be either 5pm or 5.30pm. Like all Malaysian, when it says it is 5pm, doesn't mean it start at 5pm.:P *Forgive me for saying that, Kaiye!!* The dance will normally end at 6.50pm. I have to rush back to my chalet to bath and go have my dinner. At 7.30pm, Painting session for the CCC banner will start. Again, it won't start on time. Malaysia Boleh!! it will end at 9pm, which means I have 1 hour for myself to study before I run for dance practice again at 10pm. The dance will end when guards hush us to go back to our chalets and apartment. I will be so exhausted when I reach back and all I want to do is to sleep! So, that's a typical day for this week.

P.S: I am still tired when I am typing this post, but luckily we didn't have dance practice tonight!

Blackout

2009-03-26T02:34:00.000-07:00

I am sure every one of us experience blackout before. In our house, hostel, hotel(seldom) and maybe school or during classes. The thing is that, during blackout, most of us will just moaning and complaining about how hot it is, can't do our own work, can't go to the bathroom( well in my case, that is, as I am afraid of darkness). Yet, blackout is actually an opportunity for us to embrace Mother Nature.

Why??

When the air conditioner stop running, the fan stop spinning, the light went off... Our senses are more alert than they usually are. As it is so quiet, we can hear every single raindrop( if it is raining), we can hear every wind that pass by, we can see how bright the sky can be, filling with zillions of stars! It is though we are embrace by Mother Nature..

So, the next time that you are experiencing a blackout, think of it this way. Therefore, you won't have to be frustrated.

Home

2009-03-25T06:23:00.000-07:00

"Another summer day,
Has come and gone away,
In Paris and Rome,
But I wanna go home.."

This lyric adapted by Michael Buble song, "Home" sings the heart of me..
When I am still staying in my house, I can't wait to get out and have freedom. Now, I just want to stay there forever as I know how important it is to me. How to define a home? What exactly is a place called home?? Is it a place to stay?
For me, a place where my whole family are is what I call a home, regardless how the place can be. I had learnt how comfortable a home can be, now that I am not staying there often anymore. It is though I had something missing in my heart. Such as a nearly complete jigsaw puzzle just missing a piece. That piece can make the whole puzzle incomplete. I had this feeling even though I am living somewhere better or maybe having a better life, without a real home, I don't feel my life is complete. Therefore, for those who are still in their homes, appreciate whoever is staying inside with you.

What is a home?
A place to sleep?
A place to rest?
Or a place where you have someone waiting for you to come back?
Hmm..

Waking up and seeing my siblings sleeping soundly beside me,
Finding my dad reading newspaper in the living room,
Seeing mum eating breakfast asking me to join her,
Hearing my siblings arguing over really silly stuff,
Helping my mum to do laundry,
Eating dinner with my whole family,
Talking about our day respectively...

Ahah!
I found it!
I know it!
This is a place I called HOME..

Lies..

2009-03-22T02:05:00.000-07:00

You say you will give me the entire world,
You say you will give me every star that I can see,
You told me you will pluck every star and make a ring for me,
You told me that there are no other girls that caught your attention.
That was what you told me..
Lies.. Lies.. Lies..

You say you love my baking,
You say you love my eyes,
Especially when I look into yours,
You say that no matter what I do,
You will be there for me.
That was what you told me..
Lies.. Lies.. Lies..

I was naive to believe,
In everything you say to me.
I was foolish to hear,
Every sort of lies that you told me.
I was in La-La Land,
To realize that you are just playing with my feeling.

Well,
Now I have waken up!
When I saw your cold shoulder,
You turn away from me.
No longer be by my side,
As you only want something from me.
I was no fool,
Because I notice that.

You may think you can fool me with those flowery words,
BUT!
Too bad, you are wrong!
You are the kind of guy,
The kind of guy that I hate most,
When you get something already,
You will throw that something aside.

I hate you!
I put my feelings into you,
Sometimes even sacrifice my time,
Just to be with you.
Yet,
You treat me like rubbish!
This is what I told you!

I don't regret dumping you,
As now I think it is a wise thing to do.
You release me!
Phew!
Luckily I did not miss anything,
I did not lose anything.

Unlike you!
Hah!
You lose everything!
And I still don't regret doing so!
As by the end of the day,
You know the reason why I dumped you,
Because you are too psycho for me..

Misery

2009-03-20T22:31:00.000-07:00

Every night,
I dreamt the same dream.
You,
Are always there.

So close yet so far away,
You are something that I can't ever reach.
So close yet so far away,
There you are,
Always appear with her.

I know,
That it is impossible.
Yet,
I want it to be true.
I want you to smile at me,
Like the way you smile at her.
I want you to look at me,
Like the way you look at her.
I want you to touch me,
Like the way you touch her.

Am I asking for too much?
Am I being greedy?
Am I not good enough for you?
Tell me..

Because of you,
I am dying.
I am fading away.
I am restless.

Please stop being so nice to me,
If you don't feel that way about me.
Because,
You are torturing me.

Please save me from this misery,
As I can't take it anymore.
Kill me quick!
I rather you kill me,
Than watching you with her.
Because it torture me like hell.
Save me by releasing me from this misery!

Far Away 遠くに

2009-03-18T03:17:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I took out my dad's long forgotten telescope for stargazing as the sky is filled with numerous stars.
We are so lucky that we got a glimpse of SATURN!!! Although it is so far away, yet we can still see it. This makes me think of something else date back to 2007, I think.
Pluto is officially drop from our solar system to an asteroid. Who are we to decide the fate of Pluto? This "planet" is older than everyone of us in Earth! It existed before any life forms are found in Earth. Why should human have the power to decide Pluto's fate as a planet? Don't you think it is quite unfair for it? Early astronomers had decided to put Pluto as the ninth planet of our solar system then so be it! Why should we change it? Just because it is smaller in size doesn't mean it is an asteroid, plus it has moons that orbit around it. Isn't that obvious??
For Pluto, you will always remain a planet in my heart because you are a planet for thousands of years, and you will always be one~

All Hail Pluto forever!すべてはプルートを永久に呼ぶ!

What If?何か。

2009-03-15T01:11:00.001-07:00

What if I am Barack Obama?
Because if I am,
I may be able to change the world.

What if I am Angelina Jolie?
Because if I am,
I may be sitting back with the hunkiest man around me.

What if I am Osama bin Laden?
Because if I am,
I may be running away all over the world to save my own life.

What if I am a genius?
Because if I am,
I may be in Oxford or Cambridge now.

What if none of this matter,
Because..
What if there's no tomorrow?

* This is my first poem, so it is very amateur.

Happy~幸せ~

2009-03-12T01:28:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I am so tense up about my SPM..
Today, I am so happy!! I woke up at 6am, as usual, to fetch my siblings to school.. Then, went back to sleep again.. At about 8.47am, I am awake as I need to follow my dad's car to school to GET MY RESULT!! I went to a Dim Sum restaurant for breakfast, BUT I am in no mood for dim sum!! I want to get my result and get back home!! FAST!!
I went to school at about 11am but I only got my result at 12.30pm!! When they announced that we can get our results, we went like bees!!! All of the science stream students went around the teachers to get our results. I manage to squeeze inside but still need to wait for my turn. One of my juniors caught a glimpse at my result but he don't want to tell me!! Make me so scared!! Then, when I saw my result, I am speechless...
All A1 except for Chinese which I got 3B and EST for 2A.. Oh my gosh!!!! WOW!!!! The first thing I do is to call my mum and tell her!! I am so excited!!!
Now, I am still so happy.. And SPEECHLESS!!! Although I am not the top student of my school, they say I got the most A1 in the entire school.. Much of my teachers say it's quite sad that because of my chinese, I can't be one of the top.. But who cares!! I am happy!! :P

Boring.. =.=

2009-03-10T06:46:00.000-07:00

Before my easter break start, I am so excited that finally my turn for holiday had arrived!! But, I feel like I want to go back to college now.. I miss my friends so much!
I have so much housework to do at home. It's not that my mother force me to do it, but I want to ease her burden, so I decided to make use of myself. I help my dad to fetch my siblings to school as early as 6am!! My day is so tired, not to mention that I did not finish my homeworks!!
Well, what can I say?? This is what I should do as a daughter of this family.. Eldest daughter..

Accident..

2009-03-09T03:13:00.000-07:00

Yesterday when I went to fetch my sisters and brothers from badminton lesson near my housing area, I'm involve in something that I never had before.
I saw a car going from an opposite lane, I thought to myself that this guy must be a foreigner as that lane is supposed to be the opposite direction. But it's none of mybusiness, so I just continue driving. Then, BAM!!!!! That moment, my head is empty and I just whisper 'SHOOT!' to myself. As I am hit in the junction, I can't stop and get down to see what my car had become. So, I decided to pull over after I cross the junction. Luckily, that driver did not run away. When I come down from my car, he kept apologizing and I didn't notice how bad my car was hit until I saw the door of my driver's seat. It was not in shape anymore and the colour had worn off! Wow!
He ask me what he should do, report to police or deal with it on our own. As the car does not belong to me, I told him to give me his phone number and I will call my dad to see how we should handle it. He kept asking whether I was shocked and whether or not I can drive, BUT I think he is more shock than me!
He is quite panic and I can totally see that from his face. I am a very unique person as these serious situation doesn't seem to make me panic. Hmmm... I doubt something must be wrong in my head. Then, I told him my dad will contact him and I decided to move on as my siblings are still waiting for me.
My dad called him yesterday and they meet up today. The repairing of my car is RM450!!! Wow! Though we are quite relieved that this man did not run away after he hit me. So, my dad is still satisfied when he decided to pay for the repairing.
The moral of the story is NEVER EVER get near a car when it is in the opposite lane!

Just like old times..( Part 2)

2009-03-07T23:23:00.000-08:00

Next.. I want to introduce some of them that I see quite often as I have classes with them or not. Amanda is the one who always laugh for no reason and always find herself stuck in the wierdest situation, trust me.. You don't want to know! Shifa is a very clever girl who sit next to me in biology and math.. She is serious with her work and quiet. Jean, on the other hand, likes to sing and I had all my classes with her.. Sadly, she drop psychology and our english class had been reshuffled, so I won't be having the same class as her!! Aishah likes to sing too, and she actually compose her own song that she sing when she want something~ She likes to crash our chalet to find Illiany. Sometimes I even get shocked coz she suddenly sing when the time I'm not aware she is in Illiany's room. Su is a debater, and trust me, you don't want to mess with her. She will hit all the facts by using strong, powerful words at your face. You will be crying for your parents!! haha.. Adibah and Amira are Illiany's friends.. I can always find Adibah doing her laundry outside our chalet and Amira helping us to sweep our floor because she can't stand the dirtiness of our chalet!! Deena is one busy bunny.. She is our special task exco, therefore I seldom see her because she is often running around to run her errands. Losh is a very serious girl who study most of the time! She is so good in her study and I really envy her!! Kaiye is one happy bunny who always crash into people's chalet and play! She is happy go lucky and beautiful, this is the truth!! Sally is one fair girl.. She is quite shy, from what I notice but she is still cute, in her own way! Shar Linn is a scholar just like FY. She is very outgoing and she is not afraid to voice out how she feels!! Wow!! I also know other BN scholar such as Amy, Amalia, Amalina, Ili, Husna,OMG!! I can't remember their names!! Sorry!!! But, you guys are my friends!
Well, for guys.. I often see Iz because I have all my classes with him!! Seriously, and we are in the same house. That make us see each other quite often. Jaren is a guy who likes to piss me off and then have the satisfaction look. But, I think he is my friend. Hong and Sheldon is always seen with Jaren. Hong is a responsible person, hmm.. That's why he deserve to be the coordinator for CCC. Sheldon is unexpectably kinda like Jaren. He put his face as one of the simpson's character!! Hahaha.. Ben is a nice friend because me and Dal can actually introduce him to our plush toys!! And he wants to meet them! Now, that's something we didn't get to see everyday! Shawn is a guy who is very shy. I don't mean he is shy technically, but he gives me a feeling that he is a very shy person. Wei Shen is always seen with Ian. Ian is a sport guy who loves basketball while Wei Shen is very good in calligraphy. I am not very close to them as I don't see them often. This goes to Shen, our special task exco and a few others like syaz, emier, afiq, amani,razlan, arif, iskandar and a few more..
Well, I think that's it.. If you guys have anything to add, feel free to let me know. :)

Just like old times..( Part 1)

2009-03-07T17:57:00.000-08:00

When I know that I won't be going the same route as most of my secondary peers are, I felt quite sad as I won't be hanging around with them anymore. I even doubt that I will ever find someone that are just as fun to hang around as them.
Now, I realise my worries seem ironic...
I have my new circle of friends who( don't kill me for saying this) are also as crazy as my old friends are!! Some of them are even more crazy than my secondary friends!! Let me introduce a few to you~
Ok.. First we have Dal THE GOTH! Sorry, Dal.. Just saying the truth.. Well, she happens to sleep opposite my room, which she called it "Dal's Highway Hotel". Her regular work includes stealing my chocolate from my room( well you can't blame her because I don't want to lock my room after locking myself out for 2 times!!), sleeping, annoying people, helping me to run away, accompany me wherever I go( so nice of her~) and a few more things like emoiing!! That's how her nickname comes from.
Then, we have FY THE TINKERBELL, who is sleeping next to my room.. Her regular work.. Hmm.. Math, math, math and more math.. Other than that, scaring my chalet mate by saying:"XX, I think I just saw 2 cockroaches went into your room!!" Well, one thing for sure, she can't scare me with bugs because I happen to be the pest control agent in my chalet( kill 1 gigantic cockroach and centipede last week)! Yet, she knows how to scare me with other things. She's very smart for a green eyed tinkerbell.. I love to annoy her with my loving relationship with Geetz and Anju~
My other chalet mate is bony Illiany.. Ok.. Her name seems wierd, but that's what she is... Super skinny!! BUT!! She eat alot! I envy her alot!! She is seldom at home, spending her time in RC or just dating with her girlfriend.. Even if she's in, she spend her time digging history books! So, her regular work includes eating, history,history and more history..
My other pals.. Let see.. Anju~ A very cute girl with huge eyes.. FY say they are scary, but I love her eyes!! Hear that, FY?? Geetz is my other darling.. I seldom see her as we don't have the same class.. BUT, I still love her~~ as much as I love Anju.. And for FY, we are not fake lovers!!
Well, this is only part 1.. I will continue in part 2!

First Impression( Tick of my new life)

2009-03-07T01:33:00.000-08:00

Ok, ok.. I admit I will be exaggerating when I finish my first post, yet before I come to study in this college, I NEVER EVER leave my home without my parents!!! I am dependent towards my parents.. I don't even went to camp before.. Can you imagine??? That's why living in my college now is a whole new kind of experience for me..

*My friends.. Caught them off-guard! Haha..

The first time I step into this college, my thought was WHY is this place SO cut out from the community??? No mamak stall, no convenient store, no cars passing by, nothing!!! Just some abandon houses( maybe a few teachers living there), a golf course and my college!! I'm so shocked when I learnt that my dad is going to send me to this place!! Apart from that, I've heard that the people hear are all geniuses who get straight A's!! Me, I NEVER get straight A before.. So, will I survive?

Well, I am still alive now..

The induction week was held the first week we, the batch 11.5 came.. We had games, ice breaking and a few talks.. BUT, I am SO homesick that I did not enjoy myself that particular week.. I spent my time moaning and crying about how much I miss home.. Whereas, my chalet mate, Dal(Goth), had the time of her life.. I did not mix around, making new friends, and I can't even remember their faces, EVEN in my group!!( Which consist of Shen, Dal, Geetha,Amira,Azri,Sheldon, Ben and me) Sometimes, I just hate myself for being such a baby.. After that week, I start my classes, which I had found out a new problem.. I am having classes with geniuses.. I think I am the worst in my class, I don't know what the teachers are teaching, and I have to go RC everyday just to get understand what the teachers had taught. I felt so hopeless that time..

But those time passes.. Now, I am still having difficulties understanding, but I had friends to ask around. I managed to mix with people now!! YEAH!! I find that the students in the college is very friendly.. They smile at you whenever you pass by, and that makes my day happier..( I am quite stupid to think that way, but I do think like that) And I think I am being to live my own life now..

I love my life now. And I think I will enjoy my 18 months stay there!